#meToo in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

I’m not going to lie…my heart is broken into so many tiny pieces right now.

I’m sure most of you know that over the last few days there has been a movement on social media…posting #meToo as a way of showing that you are a woman who has been sexually assaulted or has had unwanted advances thrust upon them.

In the short time that this movement has begun, I have seen literally every single one of my female friends stand together in solidarity…and it truly is breaking my heart.

…

I am probably closer to straight than to gay, but I am not “straight”.
I am not “gay” either.
I am not “bi”.
I just find beauty where beauty exists..

..that being said, I do not ever feel comfortable standing with the gay community because I have found out how to hide well enough that most of my persecution for being “queer” can be brushed off and compartmentalized into the same bullshit as when people call me “crazy” or “fag” or “weirdo” or “freak”.

So…what I am saying is that here I am…

I am “white”…I am a “male”.

I am literally the reasons why society has gone wrong.
And yet…here I am…this little bi-polar queer thing who never wanted to hurt anyone.

But that doesn’t matter.

It is not my place to take a stand right now.
It is not my place to “stand with the women” who have been hurt.
It is not my place to speak for anyone.
It is not my place to apologize.
It is not my place to demand an apology.

I have no place in this movement because this movement is not really open for discussion…
(yes, this movement opens the doors for discussion, but this movement is not open for discussion)

All I can do is stand back and watch in horror and disbelief.

And yet…a part of me believes it all.
A part of me holds no disbelief.
A part of me knew that every woman I knew would come out and say ME TOO!
I knew it, because I’ve seen it…and I know our system is sick.

But that doesn’t make it easier to watch.

I am sick…and heartbroken.
My sisters…my mother…my nieces…every woman I have ever cared about.

Why?

Why does the world have to be this way?
Why do people have to be this way?
Do they have to be this way?

I am barely human, so please tell me…this isn’t a rhetorical question.
DOES IT ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE THIS WAY?

What can we do to change it?
How can we begin to heal?
How can we begin to apologize?

Maybe this is truly the end of the world and apologies don’t matter at this point.

Maybe.

Maybe this entire thing is recursive and there is no end.

Maybe history repeats itself because time doesn’t mean anything.

Maybe everyone hurts.

…does that make it better?
Is that an excuse?

Can’t we do better than this?
For the love of god, I hope we can do better than this.

All of us…

There are roughly 7 billion people in the world…that’s approximately 14 billion hands.
Are you telling me that with so many fucking hands in the world, it’s impossible for us all to lift eachother up?

I know it’s not.

I know that we could all lift each other up…and at the end of it all, the people who did the heaviest lifting can be picked up by a human latter and carried out of this gigantic hole.

Are you telling me you can’t make a change because you’re poor?
Are you telling me that money actually matters?
Are you telling me that your time is worth more than anyone else’s?

I’m sick of this.

I’m really sick of this.

I love you.
If you are reading this, I genuinely love you.
You might be saying “Fuck you, Dane, you don’t know me.”

But yes…I do.
I know you.

You were born and when you were born you were scared, and at some point you were shown some sort of “normalcy” and then at some point that was ripped from you.
You’ve been struggling ever since.
The adults around you that seemed to know so much have turned out to know nothing as you’ve gotten older.
Life has beaten the shit out of you.
Life has taught you some lessons…some of them went over your head, but some of them stuck, and some of them stuck so deep they scarred you.
You’re beaten and bruised and you think you’re wiser because of it.
You feel defeated sometimes, but other times you feel that all is right with the world.
No matter how crazy your family is (no matter how you define “family”) you still love them.

I know you.

You don’t want to be alone.
You want to be safe.
You want to belong.

I know you.

So…

Is this the best we are going to do?

Is this as good as it’s going to get?
Are we going to wait for someone to come along and change it all and save us?

Maybe…maybe after you read this you just go smile at a stranger and say “hi” and ask them how they’re doing and introduce yourself.

Maybe you call your mom that you haven’t talked to in too long because you’ve been in a fight.

Maybe you hug your little sister because you miss her and she shouldn’t have to grow up without her older brother?

Maybe you apologize to some people that have been waiting for it.
Maybe you demand an apology from some people who have been owing you.

Maybe you open up a dialogue.

Maybe you have a discussion.

Maybe you remember that there is no “you” and there is no “us” and there is no “them”.
Maybe you remember we are all the same thing.
Maybe you remember that god is within us all…every living thing.
Maybe you remember god is not a man or a woman or the universe.
Maybe you remember that you and the universe and everything in it is god.

Maybe you remember that you are not a human with consciousness.
Maybe you remember you are consciousness in human form.

Maybe you remember you are a fractal.
And so is he.
And so is she.
And so are they.
and so are we.

Maybe…

…just maybe, you remember that some stranger on the internet loves you.

And maybe, for a second you can put aside your disbelief.

Because I genuinely love you.

I know you.

I know you, and I love you.

-Dane