More of the Same (UPDATED) in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Last night, I felt this gigantic sense of dread deep inside of me. This… darkness where I did not want to go to sleep because I knew I’d be waking up and coming to work. That is how (at least the last few days) I feel about my job.

I woke up and… grumble grumble grumble. I was envious of my wife. And I told her so. I mentioned that I’d rather be going to her job today. Working a reliable 8 to 5, doing a job where I interact with people, where I get paid for every minute of work I do. She tried to encourage me, in her way, by saying “Every private practice attorney going to work today isn’t getting paid for every minute of their time.” I trudged to the car.

Two accidents on I-235. My typical 15 to 30 minute commute? Took 95 minutes! Fuckin....

Of course, the radio was awash with Vegas news. Radio Announcers sobbing, unable to continue talking about it. I don’t have words. Between Harvey and Puerto Rico things were already shitty… add in the evils that Man does to Man and… is it just me or is a storm coming? Seriously. Things keep getting darker and darker… the world around us continues to be in pain… something has to break.

I get in to work. Still arrive at 8:30. Wife texts me that the accidents only delayed her by a few minutes but she still clocked in at 8:15. She finished the text with “Do your best today and try to take your bosses with a grain of salt.”

Funny thing is… what bosses? I mean… I know they are going to give me an earful. That is to be expected. And my 6 month Assessment is tomorrow. I imagine I’ll hear things like “Work harder” and “You’re not picking things up as fast as we need you to.” And we’ll see if I have the courage to say “This job is unfulfilling” or “I don’t think I fit here.” Who knows.

But… yeah. The bosses? Some funny things:
(1) It is 10:00 and they are still not here.
(2) My pay check for last month? Was returned. With a fee. Because the bosses didn’t sign the check.
(3) Apparently, Chinese Boss wants me to go back to IA City this week at some point. Chinese Assistant said something, haven’t heard this from Chinese Boss yet, so… who knows, really. But… yeah. Another 4 hour roundtrip where I don’t get paid. Fuckin…

I know this is shitty to say… I get it. But… if I were a more courageous person… I’d have already quit. I’ll go be a bank teller. I’d make about as much, wear the same clothes, but have Banker’s Hours and Banker’s Holidays. And never be expected to put in a 13 hour day without getting paid.

Aww, fuck. On a whim, I decided to see if there were any local jobs that I would be interested in. I discovered Assistant City Attorney here is open and looking until the end of October. I’d be getting paid twice as much… have benefits… working for the government again. So… now I’ve worried myself into a fucked up ball of knots.
(1) Does my current work contract prevent me from going after this job?
(2) Would I be a terrible shit for bailing on this place after only 6 months?
(3) Would I be destroying my reputation by jumping ship so soon?
(4) Do I even want to go for this job?
(5) Do I even have a chance at getting this job?
(6) There is a residency requirement, if I were to go after the job and get it, would Wife be inclined to house hunt with me?

BAH! Like… seriously. I think I really want this job. I think. Maybe. But… so much to worry about.

Last updated October 02, 2017