Shit's gonna go down. in Since OD is shutting down....

OK so BD is going to have a warrant for his arrest for violating the RO. I’ve also modified the RO on Thursday and added my daughter to it. He’s STILL messaging my friend and won’t stop. I just don’t believe this guy is EVER going to leave me alone and continues to be crazy as fuck. I understand that we have a child together but trying to bully me through my friend isn’t going to make me let him see her. I’m honestly terrified of what he could do if he was ever alone with my baby. We have court next month and I’m going to ask for supervised visitation so that him seeing her is in a controlled place and hopefully nothing bad will happen to her. I’m terrified that he would ‘accidently’ drop her or something. I am so scared all the time of what he could do to her and have a permanent lump in my throat now.

It’s just so crazy that I’ve had a child with someone that’s just off his fucking rocker. I seriously don’t want him to see her until he gets well. He’s mentally ill and that’s not someone I want around my defenseless 2 month old baby. I love her more than life itself and I’m gonna go to the ends of the earth to protect her and keep her safe, even if that means keeping him away. I understand that every child should know their Dad and blah blah blah but all he’s shown is unbelievable hatred, anger, has threatened to kill me and because he has so much hate for me that I worry about him taking it out on her. I get that just because he hates me doesn’t mean he would hurt her but it doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t either.

It’s cold as shit today, so cold in fact that I’m sitting here with the heat on. Baby is sleeping and looks so precious. My cats are napping next to me here on the couch. I might drop baby off later so I can go to the grocery store but I may not. I really don’t want to take her out because it’s cold and don’t really want to pay someone to watch her. It’s bad enough that I have to pay people to watch her while I work and I look forward to my days off so I can spend time with her. I gave her a little bath earlier and used some different baby shampoo and she smells amazing. I bought her a boppy pillow this week and some more size 2 diapers. She’s still in size 1’s but I like being stocked up on stuff because winter is coming and I don’t want to have to make special trips out when it’s cold and snowing to get stuff.

Last weekend I went over to an old co-workers house and got a really awesome swing for her. She absolutely loves it. It lights up with stars and she likes to watch them, it’s very cute. I had also talked to his sister on the phone for about an hour Saturday night and then was going to take baby to visit them on Monday and low and behold, I got blown off. So again, at the end of the day I can say I tried. I haven’t heard from her since and that’s fine. I’ve honestly developed the ‘oh well’ attitude. It’s their loss. I’ve done what I could.

My parents came over and saw her for a few minutes yesterday. My Mom actually gave me $50 and my Dad bought batteries for her favorite bouncy chair. It’s nice to get paid back some. Work last night was bullshit. I actually got into it with that guy I don’t like and he actually told me to shut the fuck up. I called my boss over there and told him I don’t appreciate being talked to like that and he said it wouldn’t happen again. Fucking rude ass motherfucker! Like, who the fuck does he think he is talking to me like that? All because I told him what he was doing wrong?! Whatevs.

Anyways, I’m gonna lay down and try to nap before baby wakes up.