My new mission. in Since OD is shutting down....

After having numerous people bail on me, some with no notice at all, I’ve decided that I must find a permanent solution to my daycare problem even if it means switching to days. I just can’t handle the stress of worrying day to day if I’m going to have a sitter anymore. I’m also sick of paying people $20/day especially when they don’t pack all of her shit back into her diaper bag. The girl that’s been watching her irritates me because I really don’t think she has the patience for this.

I called a lady that was listed online and she’s able to take her for evening time, 5 days a week so I’m gonna go meet her on Thursday. I sent in my application for childcare assistance as well. I also took baby to the dr today because she’s kinda weezy and sounds congested but they said to just make sure to do the bulb in her nose and that it’s probably just because her nose hasn’t widened yet so it’s making her sound like that. They checked her temp, ears and listened to her lungs and everything was fine.

Being a single parent is the hardest thing that I’ve ever done but I’d rather be doing it on my own than trying to co-parent with someone who’s mentally ill, mean, and has proven since day 1 he wasn’t going to be involved. He’s left my friend alone for the past few days and it’s been nice not getting any screenshots of his crazy. I am going to be just fine once I find dependable, long term care where I’m not spending an arm and a leg on daycare every month. I have bills that are now behind because of this and it really bothers me because I’ve never been behind on anything.

I’ve been through so much in the past 6 weeks trying to find decent people to watch my daughter and it’s caused me a lot of stress, money, and aggravation. I’m still very angry at that bitch for fucking me over like she did because she had no reason to. I think she just saw an chance to fuck someone over and took it. Most people here are the exact same way and that’s why I’ve done everything I can to not rely on other people. Up until I got pregnant, I never needed anyone and it was nice not having to depend on shit people but now that I have a kid, I’m going to have to depend on people which is fine but after everything I’ve gone through, I’m ready for my daycare worries to come to a fucking end.

My Mom was off on Friday but I never did hear from her. I’ve told her several times that I’m very sleep deprived and have asked her to come hang out with baby for even a couple of hours so I could nap but there’s ALWAYS an excuse. She text me yesterday and said she was sorry she hasn’t contacted me but she’s been sick. I honestly just don’t care anymore. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m never going to have a break unless I’m at work and I don’t bother asking anyone to take her anymore.

I just hope things get better at some point. Sometimes I get really down because I’m so alone and there’s nothing I can do about it. No one even asks about my daughter and that really bothers me. I don’t think anyone knows exactly how hard it is for me to not only be a single Mom, but I don’t even have anyone to talk to anymore now that my friend is on maternity leave. I still haven’t heard from my other friend that came to town and then ditched me. I’m still adjusting to my new life as a Mom and sometimes it’s really hard because I have no one. Being a single Mom is very hard and overwhelming. Very rewarding too. I like watching my daughter grow and how smiley she is these days.

It’s been rainy and cold here today. I hate when it’s like this. I’m already not looking forward to it being cold and snowing all the time and wish I could seriously just stay in where it’s warm for the next 6 months.

Anyways, I’m gonna eat something for dinner and watch some TV while baby naps.