Letting Go To Let Grow in meh...

I don’t know how to do this.

Had a weird awakening when Bubby Sr says he doesn’t want to call me Gadda anymore. He said he was going to start calling me “Grandmaw” and it sounded uncomfortable for him to say. He’s growing up. This is a name that he called me. Well it morphed into this and he doesn’t want to use it anymore.

Then I think about the pending issue with his mother. I mean it wouldn’t be the first time they’ve lived away from me. I’ve grown attached to seeing my grandbabies all the time. Yes, I gripe and fuss but that’s what parents do.

In the long run, I don’t want to be alone and I can foresee that I will be alone. I don’t want that for me. I don’t have many reliable friends, transportation to get myself around, or anything. Just alone. Dating prospects suck. They are either users or I’m scared I’ll be related to someone. I can’t do that.

I prefer my own company and peace and quiet in my home, but I do like to mingle sometimes with other people.

Whatever the outcome, I think it’s going to be like when I first moved over here. I cried for like two weeks straight without my daughter and grandbaby.

I’m attached and I don’t know how to let go with out disengaging and becoming uncaring of them.

I have easy access down the street. When they leave, not so much.

I think I’m afraid more because of my daughter’s lack of hands-on-ness and non-nurturing ways. Then again, who am I? I was as hands-on as I could be and tried to nurture my two and look how that turned out.

Goodness, I’m crying now.

Have a better day than I’m having.

Kindest regards,
Sister