Midlife crisis on route in Current Events

I was cleaning up my facial hair situation when I accidentally fucked it all up and had to remove it all to reset it. I had a goatee for a year now. I liked how people treated me differently. I was called sir and I never had to repeat myself and I was taken more seriously etc but it would appear that my self esteem and confidence is not what I thought it was. I could barely cope with the shock of how I looked. In my mind I saw how much I am aging. I went to bed crazy early (8pm) because I couldn’t bring myself to even move. Shock? When I awoke I was immediately online looking into cosmetic surgeries… because I can’t wait a week or two for it all to grow back? I didn’t realize how much my appearance meant to me. This is something I want to explore.