Friday Morning in New Diary

I had one hell of a day Thursday. Anxiety got really bad Wednesday night. I wasn’t thinking anything in particular. Then I started thinking about all kinds of crap. I was thinking about the usual shit finances. Then I started worrying about that Equifax thing. I pay Comcast and my credit card online. Both have access to my bank account. I kept thinking what would happen if hackers got that information. I would be screwed.

Another thing that bothered me was groceries. I have food to last until the 3rd. But I want to get to the store to by more Homestyle Bakes. Wal Mart didn’t have any. I thought we could try Krogers. I kept thinking what if Krogers doesn’t have them? NOw I have plenty of food but I kept thinking about those damned groceries and getting more. I kept thinking and thinking about those damned Homestyle bakes. Despite having enough food I kept thinking I was not going to have enough.

This and other things were bothering me last night. Anxiety got to be pretty high. As a result I could not settle down. I was up all night long worried about that shit. Then around midnight I started to think I forgot to take one of my psych meds. I just wasn’t sure. I tried to think if I took it or not and I could not remember. Then that was an additional worry

Thursday morning came around and I was a basket case. I thought I would try to read. Reading always takes my mind off of things. I picked up my Nook only to discover it would not respond. I thought the battery died on me or something. I was thinking I would have to fork out the money for a new Nook. Whatever was wrong with it worked itself out. It is working now. But that was one more worry

Around 6 I decided to lie down on the couch. I was not feeling very well I do not know how to describe what happ3nd next. I was just starting to relax when I had what seemed like an explosion in my head. There was some kind of noise. It was a real jolt. It happened twice. Then I was fine after that. But it was a strange sensation.

Well my worker came. I told her what happened. She wanted me to go to the hospital. I said I did not want to go to the hospital. I said I was fine now. She said she had to call the office and tell that. If something happened to me while she was here she would get in trouble. She called the office. They called my doctor and he told them I should go get checked out I( said I am feeling fine now all I am is very tired. She kept insisting and I kept refusing.

Then she was telling me that she has to cut back her hours. She said she is only going to work three days a week. She claims that social security said she was making too much money. I think she said that they told her she had to cut back her hours or they will cut back on social security. That does not make sense to me. I think there is another reason why she wants to cut back.

Well Thursday was a bust. I didn’t do a damn thing. I lied down on my couch trying to sleep. I think I was still a bit anxious. I just didn’t feel right. I had a tv dinner for supper and that was the best part of my day.

Anyways I crashed early last night. I don’t remember when I went to bed. I slept good. Woke up around 6 and feel much better. Life is good.