Solution in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Well… I rebuilt as much as I could. The To-Do List was fairly easy. The hours? PAIN FULL. Full of pain. But… I sat down and I used my e-mail cache, my filing history and my cell phone history. I went from “HOLY SHIT WHERE DID ALL OF MY BILLABLE HOURS GO!” to… most of them. After rebuilding everything I could… I’m still missing .5 in there somewhere. A half hour of my day. $15 before taxes. I’m trying to convince myself I’m okay with that. I am ESPECIALLY trying to convince myself that I am okay with that considering the alternative. I mean… from missing 15+ hours on my schedule to just 0.5… it could have been a LOT worse.

On an unrelated matter… I joined POF. DON’T look at me like that, I didn’t join to cheat. POF has some really interesting Chemistry/Needs/Relationship Assessments and I really wanted to see what they would say about me. I really want to see what they’d say about Wife, too, so I may suggest them to her as well.

Because

to read the entire thing… I’ll post it for fun. See who reads what and if they have any insights.

TESTING

Self-Confidence

As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.

The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.

Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.

Family Orientation

As someone low in family orientation, you’re not sure whether raising children and developing a family is what you want out of life. If you already have children, you enjoy spending time with them, but may feel somewhat constrained by the stress of being a parent and wish to “cut-loose” more often than you may be able to. If you don’t have children, you’re probably not very sure whether you desire having any in the future. Or, perhaps you’re not ready to settle down into a serious relationship just yet.

It’s not necessarily that you are opposed to the idea of having a family, it’s just that you’re not convinced that the domestic lifestyle is for you. This sentiment is illustrated by the fact that you don’t particularly enjoy doing things around the house—like cooking and entertaining guests. Instead, you tend to prefer eating out at restaurants and going to clubs and parties. It’s possible that in time you might prefer spending more time at home as you may eventually grow tired of late nights out. However, your voracious appetite for excitement might make staying at home on a weekend night unappealing.

One thing in particular that sets you apart from more family oriented people is that you tend to be expressive and tend to make your frustrations known to others. In addition, you tend to appreciate spending time with other people and work well with others. In fact, you very much enjoy getting things done, and by attending to familial issues while continuing to get your work done you may find settling down in a traditional romantic relationship stressful and unpleasant.

Self-Control

The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.

As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.

Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.

Openness

As someone high in openness, you have a strong appreciation for beauty, both in art and nature. Indeed, it’s likely that you are easily absorbed in music and art, as well as natural phenomena. Another aspect of your openness is your emotional insight; that is, you probably have good access to and awareness of your own emotions.

Another aspect of the openness dimension is the tendency to think about abstract concepts and ideas. This thinking style may take the form of artistic and metaphorical use of language, and/or music composition or performance. Thus, it is likely that, either in your work or spare time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing.

Your tendency to be open-minded can have advantages and disadvantages. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easier for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. In contrast, you may be bored easily in situations that lack high amounts of intellectual stimulation. In such cases, you might have difficulty excelling on projects that do not provide much stimulation or require much creative thinking.

Easygoingness

Easygoingness refers to one’s ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to work and play hard. The benefits of being moderate in easygoingness are that you achieve success through hard work, but you also know when and how to relax. Your colleagues and friends likely consider you as reliable and fun to be around.

Being moderate in easygoingness can cause you some stress, however. For example, you may sometimes find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently, which can cause stress for both you and the people around you. You may occasionally experience stress by working hard to reach your goals, but you value having fun and just relaxing. Knowing how to balance both work and play is a gift, and you have the key ingredients for doing this.

You have enough mental flexibility to think creatively and enough focus to implement those ideas well. This might be epitomized by your occasional difficulty focusing on subtle details, but the ease with which you’re able to adjust to changes in your life.

As someone who is neither rigid nor careless, you likely get along with most people well. On the one hand, you recognize the value of working hard and therefore consider such qualities in others beneficial. On the other hand, you know how to relax and thus appreciate people that know how to do this too. Chances are your friends and colleagues perceive you as someone that works hard, but also knows how to have a good time.

How does your personality affect your love life?

Given the strong degree of confidence that you have, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner. Being aware that your high standards might be too high or even undesirable to others should help prevent you from imposing your standards onto others.

As someone who enjoys the excitement of a night on the town and is uncertain about the prospects of settling down in a serious romantic relationship, you would probably be most satisfied in a relationship with someone that shares these qualities. For this reason, you would probably be quite content in a romantic relationship with someone who also enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night. Finding yourself in a relationship with someone that wants to cultivate a family in the near future may lead to eventual conflict in the relationship due to different life aspirations.

Because you are more relaxed than most people, you’re probably attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling.

Your openness makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people that cannot appreciate diversity as much as you. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share your open-mindedness. But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique.

Interdependence
Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a “couple identity” with your partner. You are highly interdependent in relationships. This means that you desire – and perhaps even demand – a substantial degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner and other loved ones. Those connections and interactions can be frequent and superficial or they can be deep and meaningful. And you are probably attracted quickly to someone who you can deeply respect and even emulate to a degree. In fact, it is typical for a person in this score range to consider how a particular romantic partner might reflect on his/her own family and friends. All of this does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, people in this range draw considerable strength, comfort and sense of identity from close relationships. You like to know about virtually all aspects of your partner’s life. Thus, when you feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you and your partner’s recreational activities be shared together since you like having your partner physically close and desire showing off your “couplehood” in public. Bottom line: you need someone who responds to the fact that you enjoy the reassurance of physical contact and emotional sharing, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals and whose character is deserving of your loyalty and affection.

Intimacy
Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner. You are clearly comfortable with giving and receiving emotional intimacy. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person, and you tend to be open with a partner in return. That openness includes lessons learned from your past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing your partner returns your feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering yourself to a partner. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets between you and your partner. Likewise, you probably regard a partner as your best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you may find yourself wondering whether your partner’s feelings are equally as strong as yours. Still, people in this scoring range are willing to take the risks associated with being vulnerable on many levels. Bottom line: you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do.

Self-efficacy
Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation. People at your scoring level feel assertive and expressive most of the time and strive to maintain a positive attitude. You likely find that having plans and structured goals help motivates and guides your personal and professional development. Many people in this scoring range are visionary in their ambitions, but they can be highly self critical. Indeed, you are likely to be acutely aware of your own strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, it probably helps for you to hear praise and recognition, as well as have measurable goals and benchmarks in order to feel competent in your decisions and actions and to achieve a strong sense of accomplishment. Bottom line: you need someone who is extremely supportive of your goals by showing patience and a positive outlook and who also frequently acknowledges and praises your small and large accomplishments.

Relationship readiness
Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship. In some ways, you may not be fully ready for a committed relationship. You seem to feel a fair degree of comfort and grounding in your life right now. In fact, most people in this range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They also feel in control, but sometimes that sense of control can be fleeting or a false sense of security. For example, it is often the case that people in this scoring range need to address unresolved issues that can interfere with them having the life and relationship they want. These could be financial or legal issues or even physical, emotional or health issues. It may also be the case that you are seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Bottom line: you need someone who will be patient and supportive as you figure out your needs rather than who will rush the relationship prematurely.

Communication
Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence. Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you have the necessary foundation for strong emotional intelligence. People in this scoring range enjoy the learning opportunities of most challenges and are not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. It is brave to show this level of vulnerability to others. Therefore, it is not surprising that you are sensitive to and accepting of other people’s expressions of vulnerability. For example, you can likely sense when someone feels troubled before being told. However, your sensitivity has limits. Most in this scoring range are neither comfortable nor patient with all expressions of emotion. They also are not keenly aware of all of the types of nonverbal signs that people send out nor are they always cognizant of how their own behavior impacts others. It is likely that you seek for others to understand you, rather than you seek to understand others. Bottom line: you need someone who seeks to understand you, thereby accepting an equal share of responsibility in maintaining open and honest communication in the relationship.

Conflict resolution
Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills. Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are fairly strong on all of these basic elements, except for Making Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. This suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome for the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who will join you in taking time to find a complete and genuine resolution to issues as opposed to avoiding conflict by settling for quick, temporary agreements.

Sexuality
Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy. Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are hardly a prude. You tend to be very confident in your sexual ability, you are not self conscious in bed and you are open to try various activities. People in this scoring range are willing to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish. While you appreciate spontaneity and wild abandon in sex, you also seem to like for sex to be planned to some extent. Most times this probably reflects the fact that you like to set the mood, build anticipation and ensure you have privacy and no interruptions. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates when it is planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous.

Attitudes toward love
Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love. There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as “a “hopeless romantic with a touch of realist.” This means that you do value the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love, but for you a relationship must have a strong dose of Romantic Love. In this sense, you desire someone who is on the same wavelength as you –sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. It is common for people in this range to view their partner as a soul mate – a person who you were destined to meet and fall in love with. This attitude of “love conquers all” is optimistic and sweet, but it is not productive to remain in a “love daze” and idealize your partner constantly. Seeing a partner and relationship while only wearing rose-colored glasses can prevent you from identifying and addressing problem areas in the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who satisfies the hopeless romantic in you but who will insist that you take time to get to know each other well before the taking the relationship to next levels.

Preferred Expressions of Affection
Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion. There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to Gifts. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection through tangible surprises – such as fun gifts s/he makes, souvenirs purchased on business trips or beautiful tokens or presents that show s/he remembers and celebrates special occasions.
Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Verbal Communication received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not mean that you neither like nor need Verbal Communication. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who can show affection in ways other than just verbal expressions such as spontaneous compliments, frequent “I love you’s,” occasional notes for you to find and recognition of your achievements.

YOUR SPOUSE FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE
The questions you just answered describe your love interest at this point in time on a few important variables:
Connected-Aloof refers to the degree to which your love interest appears to strongly bond with others [C] versus being more detached or solitary [A].
Buoyant-Temperamental refers to the degree to which your love interest appears to be cheerful and agreeable [B] versus more self-absorbed or moody [T].
Virtuous-Indifferent refers to the degree to which your love interest appears to have strong respect for and interest in others [V] versus being more ambivalent or apathetic [I].
Expressive-Guarded refers to the degree to which your love interest appears to be open and communicative [E] versus more reserved or private [G].

Note: This is not another Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test or a measure of compatibility. While the Myers-Briggs instrument has been popular in assessing one’s personality type, helping us to understand and appreciate individual differences, this keeper assessment does something different. Our results highlight the best type of person for you at this time in your life, helping you to better understand and estimate a (potential) love affair.

Presently your love interest is characterized as Aloof, Temperamental, Virtuous and Guarded [ATVG]. If you’re looking for something friendly or rather casual at the moment, then your love interest seems to be a keeper. This person strives to be good, yet can be undesirable to those wanting a lover who is more heedless, steady and into the budding romance. If you’re definitely looking for something serious, we suggest you look elsewhere.
*Please note that your love interest’s profile is only as accurate as the responses provided. Scores do not determine long-term compatibility as well.
Important Details

Aloof [A]: She seems very independently-minded and therefore might want substantial autonomy from you in some key aspects of her life. This is someone who’s willing to share friends and start to connect with your family, but you might expect that conflicts between your work and daily life schedules will limit the amount of free time you have together. This is someone who can provide an exciting love life. Creating a fulfilling, joint social life will, however, be more of a challenge with this person.
Be aware that an aloof love interest often causes men to breakup for reasons related to disagreements over priorities in life. Therefore, as the relationship progresses, it’s crucial to explore how well her expectations mesh with your own.

Temperamental [T]: She seems to be highly sensitive to circumstances within and outside her control. This can make her look noticeably anxious or sad at times. In fact, you may find that she overindulges in activities like shopping, eating or surfing the Internet to help cope with stress. She may even voice slight physical complaints like nervousness, queasy stomach or shaky hands during times of stress or conflict. During these periods, you can also expect her to come across at times as somewhat pessimistic, self-absorbed or entitled.
Be aware that a temperamental love interest often causes men to breakup for reasons related to tension over her negative thinking. It may also indicate bipolar tendencies. Therefore, as the relationship progresses it’s crucial to explore whether you can deflect her pessimism and encourage a more stable mood.

Virtuous [V]: She seems to share your basic values on many important life issues. You’ll likely feel good about yourself when you’re around her because she seems to show a great deal of respect for herself and others. For herself, it appears that she’s concerned with healthy living. Regarding others, it seems that she exhibits a strong consistency between word and deed. There’s also a hint of good “emotional intelligence” – she considers how her behavior affects others. These traits will enable you to imagine taking her home to meet your family and possibly settling down with her.

Guarded [G]: She seems expressive with physical affection, generally speaking. You can also anticipate that she’ll openly share her views and feelings. But, it’s probably more difficult for her to sustain deeper levels of reciprocal communication. In other words, she may very well disappoint you when it comes to talking about your own thoughts, feelings and concerns. Because of this, you may not always feel like a priority around her. Furthermore, there’s a risk for becoming an emotional “crutch” to someone like this.
Be aware that a guarded love interest often causes men to breakup for reasons related to not feeling appreciated, which can stir doubts about her honesty and faithfulness and whether she is the type of partner with whom he can envision a future. Therefore, as the relationship progresses it’s crucial to explore under what circumstances she’s most communicative and affectionate so you can help to ensure your needs will be met.

PASSION PRELUDES: How to Seduce You

He is not necessarily promiscuous or lacks standards, but the overall answer patterns suggest that he is exceedingly sensitive to the psychological and physical elements of romance and passion, even to the point they, at times, may lack impulse control. People like this tend to love life with zeal, often living in the moment and trying not to let experiences pass them by, with many having engaged in a wider range of sexual behaviors, sometimes with a number of different partners. Someone like this is bound to be gregarious and flirtatious in public, becoming extremely sensual and wildly uninhibited behind closed doors. In fact, these individuals are amongst the most passionate of people when the timing is right.

What Makes This Type So Attractive? Those of high seducability can be absolute elixirs in and of themselves, with many drawn to this sort for their…
• Uninhibited nature. Fun, fun-loving, and provocative, this type is very adventurous and erotophilic, open to trying new things, with many “closeted kinks” when it comes to sexual experimentation.
• Lust for the sensual and the act of seduction. Not to be stigmatized as players necessarily, this sort loves anything that entertains their intellect, including the sexual, and that involves pleasure, including the potential for even greater pleasure.
• Ability to be fabulous, hopeless flirts. Whether coy, up for tit for tat discourse, or clever in dishing out the flattery, this sort is alluring in their ability to be suggestive and fearless in expressing interest.
• Their sensitivity and moodiness. A bit theatrical at times, and not afraid to express themselves in many ways, this sort will always keep you entertained, amusing woo’ers who know how to handle it.

Tips for Tempting This Type:

It can be easy for someone like him to fall in love. So… Don’t get carried away and “dive in” with them, no matter how hard this is not to do! Many are only open initially, yet withdraw once someone gets “too close,” despite their desire to be more emotionally involved for the long-term. Do choose your words and actions wisely. Do what you say and say what you mean.

He may well push your own boundaries or comfort level. So… Don’t engage in anything you may regret, whether it’s too soon, too risqué, or too… Do show tolerance and maintain a healthy sense of adventure.

Despite conveying otherwise, this sort can have as many issues with sex and relationships as the next person. So… Don’t assume that this person is free of sex issues or necessarily sexually empowered. Many can have misguided ideas on what it means to be sexually liberated. Do be sensitive to any intimacy issues they may be grappling with.

You may be tempted to be as impulsive as he can sometimes be. So… Don’t give into any manipulation or even aggressive tactics that this sort can try to employ in getting the upper hand or having their way. Do fight that urge. Playing a little “hard to get” and pacing your interactions can actually heighten arousal and desire.

These individuals love to flirt – and with just about anyone. Don’t assume that he, who may be a bit neurotic or narcissistic in nature, is 100% into you and only you. Do let him know what constitutes proper flirting to you and where you need to draw your boundaries in getting involved with someone.

Many long for monogamous, long-term relationships. Don’t assume that he just cares about physical pleasure or living in the moment, despite a reputation of becoming bored or tiring easily, especially once the chase has cooled. Furthermore, don’t assume that many have wracked up a high number of sex partners, if that’s your concern. Plenty of people in this category have been involved in long-term, often monogamous, relationships where they have established a safe, trusting space for sexual exploration and sharing. Do talk about each other’s expectations, needs and wants.

Bottom Line: While this type can be into all sorts of high stimuli, becoming easily aroused, don’t assume that their ability to realize their highest sexual self on a physical level translates into being able to do that on an emotional or spiritual level in the boudoir, If this is what you’re after you may be disappointed. Rather allow yourself to be allured, recognizing that much of what they do is based on their need to be pleased, their desire to be liked and loved, their need to impress, and a deep-seated vulnerability when it comes to being intimate with another.