the plan keeps coming up again in poetry

maybe I’ll just start
dipping my balls in nutmeg
come the beginning of September
declare myself Pumpkin Spice
stand in front of the Starbucks
let the ladies in the Uggs
swarm me til I can’t breathe

maybe I’ll just start
rolling in cinnamon dust
when I get out of the shower in the morning
get chased around by latte drinkers in yoga pants
the whole damn autumn long

maybe I’ll just start
inserting a single clove into the tip of my penis
before I leave the house in the fall and
they’ll be throwing their leggings at me
screaming Pumpkin Spice Beatlemania for me
it’ll be awesome

of course it would all be over by Thanksgiving
but that’s when I’d work up my new plan
hanging peppermint candy canes from all of my belt loops and
one caressed gently in my plumber’s crack
just for good measure

people
I think I might have two out of four seasons licked
all I gotta do is hang out around Starbucks and
smell real weird
Pumpkin Spice
Pumpkin Spice Mike
Pumpkin Mike
PUMPKIN MIKE!