Things I can't confess to in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

I had a dream about one of my ex’s last night and it’s kind of been fucking with me all day, and then I just checked Facebook and her picture was one of the first things I saw because she was in my notifications for commenting on a mutual friends post that I had already commented on.

In my dream last night, she kept trying to get me to sleep with her, and I wouldn’t do it. Her legs were all bruised up and I know that she is married, and even though I wanted to, there are so many fucking reasons why I am never going to have sex with her or anyone ever again.

I ended up writing her a letter telling her all of the reasons why I wouldn’t do it, and she read it and wrote me a letter back that was basically like “thanks but fuck you.” and suddenly she was hanging out with three of my guy friends, and getting all over them and getting ready to fuck all three of them, I guess?

My brain basically just likes to torture me, that’s what it really boils down to…even in my dreams I can’t escape it. ‘

I’ve decided I’m going to quit drinking again, for real this time. All of it.
I went two years without drinking and felt really good about it, and I can do it again. I will do it again. I don’t need the headaches or the depression or the wasted money or wasted days.

I need to make something out of my life with the rest of the time that I have left.
I used to think the reason for life was to build and establish relationships, but now I’m starting to think that there is no reason for life, so while I’m here I might as well spend as much time as possible truly enjoying myself and doing the things that I want to be doing.

With that being said, I am going to get back to learning how to code…which isn’t something I really super enjoy doing, but I think it’s going to be a way to get more money and that will be a way to enjoy more things.

or something.