sex abuse. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

so ok. here we go. I haven’t talked to anyone about this bc well a it’s such a big issue and b i can’t. for me it’s safer not to. that’s what people don’t get. If for some people it is safer for them to tell then ok. that’s just not me. evan doesn’t even know and he knows most of the big stuff about me. he knows something happened.
and believe me i wish to god i was making this up. not bc i’m that kindof person but bc.something this weighty and this heavy and this delicate is almost too awful to be believed. i don’t know if truth is stranger than fiction but it’s certainly more awful at times. TW Maybe

Well so back in April [god that seems a long time ago now] I started going to the b&n in southlands. A section I go to is the psychology section. [oh and also the children’s section.]. well in one book they had it described the um criteria for various types of sex abuse.
and then I realised omygod when i was 17...........no i’m not talking about the rape. no i’m talking about, as i’ve always referred to it untll now.well the Parking Garage Incident.
my ex was 20 21 at the time. [no not my most recent ex. no the ex i’m talking about is the guy who raped me when i was 17.]. i was 17. his ‘friend’ was i think 34. which now doesn’t seem like such a huge gap. but back then it did. when i was 17.

ok well now here’s the thing. Nothing actually physically or sexually happened. no i know. it’s weird and it’s a weird thing for me to explain to someone. no they got me to take my clothes off after they’d ‘drugged’ me. [i was drugged. well i was in an altered state anyway.]. and they used my own spirituality against me. and the clothes part happened in a van.

and that’s why i don’t like a particular religion. it’s not the religion itself no it’s what happened. right now i can’t say what the religion is. maybe some day i’ll be able to.

and ya know. For the longest damn time I didn’t have a name for it. for that. other than The Parking Garage Incident. [but] for a long time [there] i’d always felt that something had happened that day was wrong wasn’t right. bc. it was wrong. it had been.
my ex. [well he wasn’t my ex then.]. didn’t do anything about it.

i don’t talk to either of those guys haven’t in years. and thank god.

i think. the book described it as ‘surreptitious sexual abuse’, or something like that.

he was 20 or 21. he was 34. i was 17.

Last updated September 03, 2017