Bad Joke in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

So… as I was driving today (Iowa City… seriously 4 hours round trip for a 30 minute hearing where they just agreed to what I’d been asking them to do over the phone… literally, some places just want to bleed our clients. Yes… they want to bleed our clients. It isn’t the Soul Sucking Lawyer that you pay that is the problem; it is the Soul Sucking Lawyer for the government that is. This kid is going to get his charge dismissed. So, instead of being decent… since this kid isn’t going to have a criminal charge on his record… they force a .5 phone call into a 4.5 hearing… just to make sure this kid “suffers” some consequences… in this case meaning, higher fees for his attorneys. Very much reminds me of the limerick Katren shared yesterday.)

Anyway… so as I was driving I was trying to think of jokes. Because if we look through the Way Way Back Machine… before my pills, I was a funny and entertaining and creative guy. Y’know… to cover the immense pain. But in college… the pain overcame me and forced me to seek medication for assistance. Now… I can still sometimes be funny… still, sometimes I’m entertaining… and every once in a while, I can be creative. But it used to be… so much more. And while I was in agony from the pain, I was in ecstasy from making people laugh.

But… my humor has become… less funny. Even dark. And not humorous. Best stuff I could come up with?
On Working Blue: People are always telling me, “You don’t need to work blue. A gifted funny man is insightful not crass.” But then I remind them I have a degree in Religion by saying, “Jesus said over and over again that children are our examples for purity, love, grace, and faith. And I have yet to meet a toddler that doesn’t absolutely lose it for a good fart joke. So go in peace, and work fucking blue.
On Sleeping: The biggest problem with relationship jokes is that you convince yourself all the best ones have been told. And then some comic comes out with a recycled joke with an original twist and you just think, “Shit. Remixing hit comedy.” In that spirit, this isn’t original but it sure as shit hits home. Have any of you watched a Crocodile Death Roll? For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, one of the ways these Future Hand Bags just fuck shit up is by going into a death spiral where they just roll and roll and roll and roll. Now I’ve never seen an actual crocodile do it in person before; but my Wife does an amazing impression of it. Of course, she does it in her sleep and she’s killing the blankets but my frozen ass at least gets a show out of it.
On Drinking and Sex: But seriously, I love my wife. I do. I adore her and think she is an absolute knock out. Unfortunately, when I say things like that she actually wants to knock me out, but that’s a different issue. My one complaint is that in order for me to get any action, we have to go through a shit ton of booze. I mean… huge. But really that’s my fault. I mean… I’m not gonna masturbate sober, even my hand thinks I’m too fucking ugly for that.”