Exchange Day in New Diary

Well I got my check yesterday. Kelly came. First stop was the bank. I got my check and money order for the rent. Then we went to Gumby’s I got two carton of Deans . Then we went to Wal Mart. Things did not go so well at Wal Mart.

Everyone and their grandmother was must have been in Wal Mart yesterday. I got very anxious. I wanted to leave the store., I did my business at the service desk. I loaded my debit card I gave the clerk $360. I said I wanted to put $360 on my card. She only was going to put on $260 I saw the mistake. She was nice about it. I said I gave you $360 We did the transaction over and everything was ok. But I was sort of panicky about it. I thought I was going to lose out on a hundred. dollars.

I should have gone home them But I thought I might as well do my shopping while I am here so I wont have to go out Friday. God people were crazy. People just standing in the isles and not moving I couldn’t get around them. I was panicking But I went about my business as best I could. I turned out that I forgot a lot of things and will have to return something I bought so I will have to make another trip today,. yech.,

After Wal Mart we go to Tudors . It was busy there. There were a lot of cars in front of us. One old lady a head of us wasn’t in line. She was parked by the doorway. We had to get buy her Kelly was saying people are crazy just plain crazy on the 3rd. I said you are right about that. We got order from Tudors and then we went home

We saw Chocolatechip out in the parking lot I was kind of glad to see her. I gave her a hug and she put her head on my shoulder. She wanted to come up and get the cooking sheet since she saw I bought one at WM I said sure. She came up with us. I tried out the cooking sheet I bought and it didn’t fit my oven., Damn I will have to go back Friday I said thinking to myself I put away my groceries and she and Kelly talked for a while. It was a nice visit.

We talked for a while after Kelly left. She wanted to use the computer. I said sure. She got on the computer and did her business. I asked how she was feeling and she said fine., I asked if anything in the building was going on and she said no. She did say that one girl who was giving me trouble is now in Brightwood I asked about Doug her ex husband. She said he put an application in Freedom Place but has to wait before they call him. I said I bought a rotisserie chicken at Wal Mart and some potato salad., I invited her for supper but she declined After our talk she left.

I had to pay bills. I sat at my desk and tried to defuse from my outing I was looking at books on my Nook. I swore to myself I wasn’t going to buy any books this month. I ended up buying another damned history book. it was one I’ve been wanting to buy anyway. I’m not going t
to buy anymore books.

Then I decided to pay my bills. I paid off my credit card with no problem. I went to Comcast. I found out my bill went up $5 It was $153.45. I only had $150 left in checking for Comcast. I tried to type in $150 to pay that and I would pay the rest by credit card. It would not accept the payment, It kept coming back as invalid amount I was kind of panicky and didn’t know what to do. I ended up submitting a full payment even though I was $3.45 short.

I was really panicking then. I didn’t know what to do. I contacted Comcast. I scheduled a phone conversation. I tried to explain to them what happened,. The guy I talked with said that they cannot stop the check. I would have to do that with my bank. I said ok I will call the bank. So I called my bank and they said that would cost me $10 They told me I would have to come in and sign a paper. I said can I do that Friday and she said yes

I was really upset over Comcast. I could not rest Then my case manager called. She wanted to come down for a home visit. I said that would be fine., When she came down I asked if she could take me to the bank. I was having some kind of problems with a check and needed to take care of that I said. She took me to the bank.

At the bank I find out that they took ten out of checking to stop the payment. I had $140 left in checking. Instead of stopping payment I decided then and there to put more money in checking . I had to get a cash advance of $30. I put $20 in checking. I told them not to stop the check and let it go through, She asked if I had enough in there to cover it and I said yes.

I had a nice visit with my case manager. We were talking about the credit card situation. I said I had a pretty high bill. She said I was in like a catch 22 type of situation. I pay off my credit card then am broke. I use the credit card to live on only to pay off another big bill. She was saying if I ever had an emergency where I needed the money it would not be available. She tried to talk me into making payments on the card This way I would have some of my check left. I said if I do that then they will sock me with interest and I would never be a ble t o pay it off.

We talked about the depression. I said nothing was changed with that. I am still depressed. I wasn’t so depressed today I felt anxiety was high. I told her I depression gets worse over the weekend. She said my support system is not around then. She said if I had friends and family that might help with things, I felt like telling her I have no friends or family,. She asked if I was getting out any. I told her my worker will take me to Tudors once in a while. I haven’t been sitting outside. I said I don’t want to leave my apartment.

Then she mentioned that I could be getting agoraphobia. I said I don’t think I have that. I do leave my apartment when necessary I said. I think I might be have a strong case of social anxiety, She said that is how it starts. She strongly urged me to try sitting outside. I said I have no desire to sit outside. This is the choice i’m going to make and I’m going to stick with it.

We talked some more and then sh e left. I kept thinking about that Comcast bill. I chatted with them in the evening. They said the check went through my balance is o. Good I have no problem with Comcast. I said to myself

I watched the news and Jeopardy. I went to bed at the usual time. I was tired.

Oh well Thursday is over with thank god for that.