Monday Morning in New Diary

I survived the weekend. Sunday was a much better day. I did a lot of reading in my book. I was able to relax and concentrate I was not too depressed. I had a good day.

Chocolatechip came up. She wanted to use the computer . We talked for a few minutes. She was telling me the van driver isn’t running on the 1st. She will have to take the bus. I asked her if she has money for the bus and she said yes We were talking about the inspection we had. I asked if she heard anything about the two people who failed the HUD inspection. She said she didn’t hear anything. She was telling me that one of the tenants was outside. He openly admitted that he smokes pot. OT is supposed to have a strict drug policy. If you get caught then you are evicted. But I know people in here who; do smoke. There was this one guy who got caught twice with drugs in his apartment He is still here. Like I always say special rules for special people

I was showing her my PB diaries. We found on this one entry that somebody really bashed her. She was saying all kind of nasty things to her and called her a B world. She was on my friends list. I unfriended her an blocked her. I did not like the language she used and I did not like her calling Chocolatechip a B.

Yes Sunday was so much better. Depression didn’t completely lift but I was not thinking about things too much. Like I said this is something I had all my life. I learned to accept things and live with it. Some days are good and on others I have a horrible time Sunday was one of the good days.

I honestly try to figure out what causes these depressive moods. I think if I can figure out the cause I can eliminate them or at least keep them from recurring. The only thing I can think of is the thoughts that I have at a particular time. Saturday I was thinking all kinds of irrational and negative thoughts. I had enough therapy to know that irrational thinking can be the main reason for depressive episodes. The tricky part is to refute irrational thoughts and replace them with positive rational thoughts.

From therapy I learned about the ABCs of human emotions. A is an outside event. These are the things that can happen to us We have no control over these things. It is not the outside events that causes negative feelings. It is our thoughts that cause the negative feelings. This is the B part. Thoughts about the outside events can be positive, negative or neutral. Our thinking about the A event is a direct cause to our feelings which are positive negative or neutral. If we are having negative thoughts we are having negative feelings. If we are having a strong negative reaction to an outside event then it is a pretty good chance we are experiencing a strong negative thought. The tricky part is to refute the negative thought and replace them with a more rational positive thought.

I was thinking about this Sunday morning. I was thinking that I must have had a lot of irrational thoughts about the break up. It wasn’t the break up that caused the sever depression. It is was my thoughts about the break up that caused the depression. I didn’t like having these thoughts and part of the problem was trying to repress them or escape from them. I was not dealing with the issues properly and they only got worse and worse. I need to focus more on what I am thinking and try to replace the negative thoughts.

I think I am on the right track here , All I know is that Sunday I wasn’t dwelling on the break up,. I just went about my business. I did a lot of reading and listening to Celtic Women I wasn’t thinking about Chocolatechip too much. I just enjoyed my book and my music. That is the ticket. Get lost in and music.

Well life is good. It is good to be alive. I feel pretty good this morning. I went to bed early and woke up around two. I had a nice strong cup of coffee and that always puts me in a good mood. Life is good.