Juxtaposed Symmetry in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Pay no mind to the title. Just… playing with words.
Random thoughts
I am never happier nor more in love than waking up beside my wife, seeing her sleeping, and being happy in that moment. And leaving the bed to go to work… is a terrible feeling… as I know my work isn’t doing us much good and her work isn’t doing us much good. It simply steals our time, our energy, our vibrance, and pays us only enough to make sure we survive.

On the way to work these days, I have a recurring daydream that a meteor will fall out of the sky and slam into my hood, upending the car… or that a drunk driver will smash into the back of my car. Something that totals the car and puts me in Hospital for a week. I mean… I already live in pain, I could use an entire week where sleep/food/activity are handled by a staff and I get some help being healthy.

Work has an interesting dichotomy of late. They say that they are happy with the hours I am putting in physically. That being in the office from 8 am to 6 pm shows a willingness to work. They say, in the alternate, I need to be doing better “deeper” work. Translation: (literally)… I need to get better and they can’t pay me to do that. In the alternate to that, they said, “You have to believe we want you here. So if you’re not racking up billable hours, that means less to us then if you’re consistently doing good work.” But… of course… this is where finances, patience, and me have a bit of a conflict. You see… if I am putting in a minimum of 10 hours a day? I’d like to be getting paid. And considering my general pay… compared to my minimum physical hours in the office… I am an Attorney making $11.50 an hour. Which is approximately 50 cents less than I made working the Law Library in Omaha. BUT they do have a point… if I get good, I can be up to $50 an hour… maybe even more? Which… I keep trying to focus on. I really do. But at the moment? It is hard to be okay as an Attorney making less than I did at Best Buy.