Sunday Morning in New Diary

I survived Saturday. I was really depressed Saturday morning. I am feeling a little bit better today. I listened to Celtic Women on You Tube all morning. That helped with the depression and anxiety I read for a couple of hours. I started reading a new book Revolutionary Summer: The Birth of American Independence by Joseph J Ellis. I read for a couple of hours . This is lot easier to understand and very interesting. I think I am going to enjoy this book.

I was thinking a lot about my two main mental illnesses, depression and anxiety. There is no real cure . I was first diagnosed when I was sixteen. They have been with me all my life. I felt I have had long periods where they were not as severe. But they were always there lurking in the background. They would surface and I would get very depressed for long periods of time. One time I tried to commit suicide by taking a bottle of pills. I ended up in the hospital having my stomach pumped. This was in my late twenties.

I had real bad breakdown back in the early 90s I was at this bridge . I was yelling and cussing my fool head off,. Cops came to pick me up and they took me to the hospital. I ended up with Healthways AT the time they had a crisis residential unit. I stayed there for a while. They helped me get on SSI. I was able to move out on my own. That was the best thing that ever happened to me but I still suffered from depression and anxiety.

I learned to live with this. Instead of struggling against this I accept the fact that I am going through it. I experience what I call the bad thoughts I let them flow through my head. Thoughts are only thoughts. I do not have to act on them . I do have coping skills for these times. I listen to music. I read a lot. I play endless chess games. I also remind myself of all the good things I have and I truly feel blessed. Life does not seem too bad.

Yes I feel better today. I’m not going to try to think of things too much. I’m going to read my book and listen to music