Saturday Morning in New Diary

It is Saturday. I got to survive another weekend. Depression always gets worse on the weekends. I have two full days to get through without anyone to talk too,. This really sucks. I don’t bother to dress. I figure what is the point.

What is the point. I was thinking yesterday that my life is pretty much over. About all I am doing is waiting to die. As much as I fear death I was thinking it might not be so bad. At least the never ending struggle with depression will be over. I will never do anything stupid like trying to kill myself. But I was thinking death might not be so bad after all. At least I will be out of my misery

. I’ve been watching a lot of tv. I have it on the local NBC channel ,channel 9 Think I watched that channel almost day long. They have this one morning show I like with Kelly Ripa. Then I like to watch the Today Show with Hoda and Cathy Lee. I like to watch Dr Phil in the afternoon. then Ellen, the evening news and Jeopardy. I have over two hundred channels but all I watch is channel 9

I tried to get into my new book but I just could not concentrate. I’ve been too depressed. Every time I picked up my Nook I kept asking myself what is the point? Reading is a waste of time because it is not really helping me deal with life at OT. It isn’t like I’m going to school or anything like that. Hell I can’t even remember what I read. I just could not concentrate I had too much shit on my min

I don’t know how I can bring myself out of this dark mood. Reading and listening to music usually does the trick. I listened to my favorite group Celtic Women on You Tube That usually makes me feel better. I listened to my favorite songs last night and it only made me feel worse. Nothing I do seems to help and I think I’m at the point now where I can’t or don’t want to help. myself. I am stuck in this mode of what is the point anyway because my life is pretty much over.