First entry- Sure...just when I have something to write about.. in General musings

O.D. is disappearing! To backtrack slightly, I had gotten an email on Sunday, after the Big Annual Train show where I sometimes have run into F. It was from him, asking if my email addresses were still active, and if I had gone to the show...I said yes to both. So he wrote back that he'd been looking for me at the show. From there, he started to apologize again about his behavior after his mother's death, and saying he missed talking to me...then that more than that, he missed ME. He asked if he could call me and I agreed to Wednesday morning. I don't know how many hours we talked, in bits and pieces. Went over all the old familiar territory, how I loved him so much and that was never reciprocated. "You're wrong," he answered quietly, "I don't think a day goes by that I don't think of you.."

He asked if he could see me...and I was really ambivalent, said I had a hair cut and color appt. at the mall....He said he didn't care if we could just talk for a few minutes, he didn't mind driving down. So I agreed. My hairdresser hated him immediately...that same old impression that he gives off that makes so many people uneasy around him...the feeling I've never gotten. He made a few (just a few) suggestive remarks, like when he hugged me...He said, "wow, every part of me reacts to you...I see you, and smell you and my brain goes, "there she is...its her..." And asking as we walked to lunch, "so, how many times have we actually been together?" I said drily that I don't have an exact count, but over the years, probably an impressive number. And he said, "I've been with you more than anyone else in my life".

He paid for lunch, and we walked to our cars. He held my hand briefly (that's a change) and okay, he kissed me.

He is on "good behavior"...the old, "i've changed" crap and behaving nicely, normally. But we know how long that lasts, don't we?