Doing A Bit Of Wondering in meh...

I wonder if this moment of peace I’ve been experiencing is to culminate in a fight today. My nephew (snot of a son that belongs to the brother I’m constantly at war with) is having an early birthday party. My intention was not to go. I mean, my sister in law is awesome but she always has his parties out, way out somewhere mot easily accessible by bus. My brother is a dick (“I guess she will find a way there”) and to quell all that shit I’d just rather not go. I only go to see my mom. I stopped at the one the year before last so I could drop off his gift and leave but my mom asked me to stay. Not to mention I’m not speaking to my one cousin who is sure to show up. Well she’s not speaking to me. I just don’t like being there.

RJ and I haven’t spoken during the week for about two weeks. She has gone the way of other friends who feel some kind of way about picking me up for stuff or even coming to my house. Whatever. I’ve hung out with other people, done some shit without her. She confided in someone else about work shit. She even thought that I was amused by her being angry when the other friend said that she was “big mad”.
I said I was amused by the choice of words but she didn’t realize that. Ain’t shyt funny about it. I almost said bitch who you cussing at?? Maybe now when I speak of being angry and people don’t take me seriously she will know how it feels when she says to me “but it’s cute when you get mad.” I hate that.

We are definitely in a weird place in our friendship. For me to bring it up and want to talk about it, she passes that off as girl shit and what’s with the emotions and I don’t care about that. It almost feels like an emotionally abusive relationship when they make you feel crazy for feeling the way you do. I’m close to just giving up and being a lonely ads.

New Daddy. I haven’t heard from him in a few days. I’m going to let that be where it is and what it is. I knew he was having a hard time about his friend. It’s been hot. He works in lawn and tree service so I really don’t know what his schedule is like. I reached out a couple of times and didn’t get a response. Maybe he is out of minutes. I don’t know. But I kind of give up there too.

Been having dreams of Him. He knocked on my door and when I opened it, he came inside and had me up against the wall kissing me passionately and hard and then he took me on the steps. I don’t want to dream him or even think of him anymore. We are done. It’s just the default setting. Whenever things didn’t work out with someone I was trying to get into, I always talked to him. Those days are definitely over.

And with that I go and get dressed for a party I don’t want to be at…
Oy…

Have a happy Saturday folks.

Kindest regards,
Sister