It'll Change, but Not Today in Day by Day

Our Fourth was uneventful. We had a couple of drinks with the neighbors, then dodged the shrapnel from the other neighbors’ fireworks. They were shooting off heavy duty mortars all around the house. I was thankful they didn’t set our trees on fire. I was irritated that it didn’t stop until after midnight. Enough, already. This country is bitterly divided and no amount of chest beating will change that. Stop calling me names like “snowflake” “Libturd” and other insults Fox News taught ya and I MIGHT be willing to listen. I think I need an apology first, though, because the moment you disrespected me was the moment I learned to hold you in disgust.

I’m worried. As I was pulling my jeans on yesterday, the back of my hand brushed my thigh and I felt something rough. I looked down to see an awful looking scab…not a usual brown one but sort of black and gray. And I don’t remember even scratching my leg, so I don’t know how I’d scratch it open. I tried removing the scab, but it didn’t want to release and then it started bleeding and I get light-headed at the sight of blood, so I covered it with a bandage and now every time I think of looking at it, my stomach flip flops.

OF COURSE I think it’s skin cancer. And always, in the back of my mind, I know I’m the next to die out of my original family because I’m the only one left. I tell myself I’m not being rational, it’s just a scab and give it a week to see if it heals, so that’s what I’m doing. I could use your prayers, good vibes, happy thoughts, etc.

It’s just too much to deal with right now. I’ve lost too much and I don’t have it in me to fight the good fight anymore. All I feel around me and in me is negative. I’m sure it’ll change, but not today.