Who Am I? in Baddies

I hate meetings! I hate anyone who has a program! To all those who come into contact with me, I wish you death, I wish you suffering!
Allow Me to Introduce Myself!

I am the disease of Alcoholism and drug addiction -
Cunning, baffling, and powerful, that’s me. I have killed millions and I am pleased.
I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover.
I have given you comfort, have I not?Wasn’t I there when you were lonely?
When you wanted to die, didn’t you call me? I was there!
I love to make you hurt! I love to make you cry!
Better yet, I love it when I make you so numb, you can neither hurt nor cry!
I’ve been there for you always, when things were going good in your life, you invited me in.
You said you didn’t deserve these good things, and I was the only one who would agree with you.
Together we were able to destroy all good things in your life! People don’t take me seriously!
They take heart attacks, strokes, and diabetes seriously, fools that they are, they don’t know that without my help these things would not be made possible.
I am such a hated disease, and yet, I do not come uninvited.

Now I lie here quietly, you don’t see me, but I am growing bigger than ever.
When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist.
But I am here, and until we meet again, if we meet again, I wish you suffering and death!

• Your disease.

By Anonymous.

People in that have gone to rehab may notice that poem/story. It has been pulled out of my drawers at home where all my rehab stuff is stored. I have relapsed, and I need it now. This is a hard time for me. I want it so bad. I am pretty much off the suboxone, but I had to take one yesterday due to cravings. I am not actively using, but I have fallen. The withdrawal from the subs left me with horrible cramps in my legs. We set up an area in our back room that is the coldest room in the house and have been holed up in there for a few days, watching VHS’ on the ten inch tv. I rode it out with some pills. It didn’t feel the same and I feel like that’s good, but I also feel like I am not physically going to be able to live the rest of my life without them. Realistically, my legs barely hold me anymore. It is almost that time. Did I tell yall I was diagnosed Secondary Progressive in my MS? Yea. It is coming. I feel it. My hips are shit. I am thisclose to getting a cane/walker. I have been having nightmares. Mostly just sad stuff about my cats. Then I wake up and either find them and give them love while crying, or cry because the cat is dead. :(

Me and my Mom went to Walmart tonite to do the monthly shopping. Before that, we stopped at a place that sells rocks of all kinds and you cal fill up a bag for $5. We also got some pretty nice pieces of slate. He only charged us a dollar each for those. :) OK, My arms are cramping and I need to take a sub once again. Today has been hard. But I told my Mom I relapsed. She wasn’t as shocked as I thought. Imma go read my rehab materials and my sobriety book. Send good thoughts please. If you pray, it won’t hurt to do that too. LOL. Hey, I aint gonna turn down any kind of help! lol <3

Steph