Clusterfuck of Updates in That Coming of Age Story

I was away from OD for a while before I said goodbye to it and I never really wrote a proper update so I will attempt to do that now. This should be a long one.

Well my first semester of my sophomore year of college ended and I left it on a good note. I passed all my exams and did very well in all of my classes.

After exams were all done I went back home. It was boring to say the least. I went back to working for ATCO. Just tedious and mundane days of checking car parts and watching movies. I guess it wasn't so bad considering I got to spend time with my sisters and my nephew. Also, I did some things with my friend Laine on the weekends. I always have fun with her. I missed her so much. Nothing too exciting over Christmas break.

In my second to last entry I mentioned a guy that I was fond of for a while. Well that didn't work out as I had hoped. I told him that I was interested, but it was too late. He said that he had been interested but he thought I wasn't so he already settled on being just friends. So he set his sights on another. I was a little upset about it at first but I moved on. We still remain good friends.

I guess I should tell you how I got over him so quickly. Well I met another guy. I met him at a friend's house. He just came over one day and hung out with all of us. I enjoyed his company. He ended up asking me for my number and we talk now. He is very kind, interesting, and good-looking. My relationship with him is an interesting one though and I am going to get some judgement here. He and I have gotten intimate... we haven't had sex, I am still a virgin in the technical sense of the word. At first I felt a little guilty that I had moved so quickly, but then I thought you know fuck that. Why should I have to feel guilty for wanting to be with someone in that way? It's my body, it's my decision. Society has set up these specific rules for how you should live your life, but with all the structured and regulated etiquette that it says you should follow it keeps you from living life the way you want to.

I like him, but I don't know if I want a relationship with him. I just don't want to put a label on it. I like our time together. We talk, drink, have fun, laugh, kiss, make each other feel good, and we cuddle and sleep together sometimes. It's nice. It's simple. No pressure. I'm young and I want to enjoy the time I have on this earth with whomever and whenever I choose.

As for my mother it is the same story. She called me last week only to talk about herself and her problems. She hadn't contacted me in months. She didn't ask about how I was doing. I don't think she really cared. I got angry and yelled at her. I told her how I felt about her and her parenting and she hung up on me. When she called me I had that little glimmer of hope that she might tell me how proud she was of me or how much she loved me, but no. I cried for hours after. I cried for the fact that I can never rid myself of the pain she has caused me. I love her so much, so much that I want to believe she loves me too. That isn't the case. People say you only have one mother and I understand that. But some of us don't have good mothers. All I ever wanted was her happiness but some people can never really be happy. Her unhappiness is my burden. I will love her until the day I die, but I can never have a close relationship with her. I can't because it causes me so much grief.

My little sister is doing well. We are still close and always will be. I love her dearly. She has made a very stupid mistake though. She got married to her boyfriend of two years. She is only 16 and thinks she is in love. We got into a fight about it and didn't talk for a while, but I came around and talked to her. I told her that I didn't agree with her marriage but I would be there for her if she needed me. That is all can do. She is still in school and doing well so I am happy for that.

Personally I didn't think my mother would actually sign over the rights for my sister to get married, but I should have known that my mother would be eager to relieve herself of another responsibility. She doesn't have to look after my little sister anymore. One less person she can fuck up I suppose.

I am doing well in my classes. Geology is boring as hell though. I have to fight to keep my eyes open. I will never enjoy this subject. I am worried about my Psych 318 class mostly because it is a very rigorous course. I hope I can get through it. I love my social problems class. I enjoy talking about what is wrong with the world and what we should do about our issues as a society.

Besides the terribly cold and windy weather I usually have great days. My friends make them go by with laughter and happiness. I am grateful to have such kind, supportive and fun people around me.

Hmm, what else?

Oh! I joined a Dungeons and Dragons campaign and it is pretty fun. I am a windsoul Genasi. I am pretty badass haha.

Well I think that is all for my updates. I left out some of the small details otherwise this entry would have been way too long.

I hope everyone has a great day.