Ex girlfriends and smoking meth. in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

“Why are you so dangerous?
It’s like my spell on you is useless.”

All I even do anymore is listen to The Black Angels and drift into some sort of trance…they make such deeply textured music, it’s the kind of sound you can wrap yourself up in like a cold blanket and freeze to death.

I left my favorite two spell books in my car, and my car is stuck in the shop, and I really need to do some magick today. I am trying to stop drinking and I am having a hard time…I’m even drinking as I write this.

I’m not supposed to drink on my medication, not because it’s dangerous or anything, but because the mixture of effects is…incredibly debilitating. Like, instead of getting drunk I just start to slowly create this cloud of confusion like my head is a fog machine that runs off of booze, and the more I pour in there the more fog keeps coming out, and I basically get lost in this child-like daze until I eventually just get tired and pass out around midnight.

And it doesn’t take a lot of alcohol to get me that way, either, so I don’t usually wake up with a crazy hangover or anything…wait…am I trying to talk about how cool drinking is, or am I supposed to be talking about how I want to stop drinking so I can meet these two stupid goals that I set for myself?

I can’t remember, maybe that cloud of confusion is starting to churn and burn real good.

ANYWAY

One of my exe’s started following me on Instagram a couple of days ago and I was finally too curious not to message her and I was basically like “Is this some kind of joke? What’s going on here? What’s your end game, girl?”

Which resulted in a long conversation all about how and why our relationship ended, and the subtle nuances of why her parents hated me and why she hated that I hated that so much.

Then she asked me to rate her in comparison to my last girlfriend, which was…ummm…strange…and then she told me I was a good boyfriend.

But I think she has a boyfriend right now…so, obviously this has to be some kind of game.

Either way, I responded by hitting Bumble as hard as I possibly could, swiping left and right like a man possessed, ducking and weaving like one of the greatest. It was truly a site to behold, if there was an Olympic medal for Bumble, I would have definitely at least come really close to a bronze.

Oh man.

Now I am going to finish this Mickeys and vape my sorrows away…I like vaping because it kind of reminds me of smoking meth, and I really enjoyed smoking meth except for all of the negative things about it like…well, pretty much everything except for the euphoric high that kind of just disappears after a while and leaves you with nothing but sweet chemical clouds, holes in your face, and a needless wanting for something you can never have....

I like endless voids like that, and I like filling them up, and I like closing them up more than anything, because I’m a quitter dammit.

That’s what I do, I quit things, and I’m fucking great at it.

And now I’m rambling.

the end.