Missed Opportunities in My Fucking Feelings

Hard to pin down how I’m feeling. A member of our local music community died yesterday. Not sure how. I didn’t know him very well so I’m not posting my sad farewells on facebook like everyone else but he will be greatly missed. He was nice. He was funny. His contributions to the music scene here were enormous!

I talked to him once. He sold me a ticket to a show and then I didn’t get to stay for his band. I was looking forward to the opportuinty to see them live but with him being both vocalist and guitarist now I see no reason. I’m very sad I won’t get to see him play or talk to him in person. I feel a weifht settle across people for his loss, and I don’t really know how to react. I just know he will be greatly missed.

He had a full upbeat life. Several jobs and an awesome band and alot of fun adventures. He had plans. He had dreams. Now he’s gone. It makes me consider my own mortality. I have plans for my life too. If it was taken from me tomorrow would I be satisfied with the life I’ve lived? No. There are so many things I haven’t done. I spend alot of time waiting for the right moment. I get loat in trying to piece together my future and my son’s and somehow the present gets lost. I was planning to find a way to break the ice with this guy. Talk to him. He seemed like such a fun guy to be around. Missed opportunities. How many of tgose will pass me by before I break down this social wall and learn how to communicate with people and enjoy life?

I’m very sad. RIP Austin S.