ballhawks and bronies in poetry

there’s a guy on twitter these days
I won’t share his name he doesn’t deserve the publicity
whose whole thing is that he collects baseballs
from foul balls and batting practice and what not
at major league baseball games
he has thousands and thousands of them
he is a developmentally-normal adult

and I just want to grab him and shake him and say
“man, I get that this is a thing that gives you pleasure
but it would thrill the little girls and boys there so much more
I get that this brings you joy but this world is not about you
this world is a little bit about you but it’s mostly not
let the kids have their thrill, you’re an adult
if you need to be obsessive at least don’t try and be famous for it
do your thing on the sly, let the kids have the limelight of it
this life is so short and hard, let them have joy as kids”

he says sometimes he gives the ball to kids afterwards
occasionally he doesn’t throw the balls on his
weird ego-dragon hoarde wherever he keeps it
but half the point is the kid getting the thing
tossed to them by the outfielder after practice or
scrambling for a real thing from the game in the stands
he’s still gotta make it all about him when
it’s really just a little bit about him and
he’s the one with the agency to let them have a little joy instead
and he doesn’t
and I wanna punch him in the head

I’d never shame someone their fetishes if they understand boundaries
if you’re into human-horse hybrid things as your sexual fantasy
hey, we’re all into something, it’s cool
but the idea of being a Brony
of going into the world of these stories and toys for
specifically made for little girls and little boys
can’t you just make up your own human-horse hybrid sex objects
without jumping on this thing for innocent pre-sexual kids
let them have My Little Pony for themselves?
share your Sensual Centaurs or whatever with other adults
into that kind of thing sexually but
let the kids have their kid thing as their kid thing?
let them have their conventions and their toys
and their cartoons and their internet forums and
let them have their joy while they still can?
you still have your version of the thing and
circle-clop together all you want at separate things
I’d never be the kind of person who tells you that you can’t
this life isn’t about you, Bronies, you know?
it’s a little bit about you but it mostly isn’t
but you are the adults in the situation with the agency to
make the choice to leave the kids a little bit of joy
and do your things on the side?
and some of them do
but a vocal minority of them don’t
and I will admit sometimes I wanna punch them in the head

you know what I do?
I collect VHS copies of Jerry Maguire
a comedy troupe collects them as a post-modern gag and
the next time they come through the area I
want to have a lot to give them so
I collect VHS copies of Jerry Maguire
I don’t try to be internet famous for it
I don’t take joy from anyone else in the world for them
I get a thing almost no one else in the world would want
I give a dollar to charity for it and
the most harm I do anyone is
weird a thrift store clerk out for like half a minute
this world is not about me
this world is a little bit about me but mostly not
so I try to find joys that either help or at least
do no harm then I shuffle back through all right
to put another Jerry in my sock drawer
and when I look at myself in the mirror at night
I don’t want to punch myself in the face
well, I mean, I want to punch myself in the face
but not about the Jerries
mostly because of the women I never asked out
that’s a different story

Last updated June 20, 2017