Afire Love in All of Me

I love, love, love ” Afire Love” By Ed Sheeran. I could listen to it seven billion times. It makes me cry sometimes. Listen to it. Ed wrote it for his grandparents. His grandfather died of Alzheimer’s, which has to be one of the most evil things ever.

I had a dream that I had completely lost my mind. I was at my parents’ house, and I was hallucinating that a tiger was in our house, terrorizing us. I had no idea it was not real. I was terrified, and my parents endorsed my delusions in order to get me to the hospital. ” Let’s get in the car and get away from the tiger,” they prompted me. I obliged, but then realized we were at the hospital. The doctor there told me that the tiger did not exist.

This dream…I don’t know, it resonated to me. Am I the only who feels literally two degrees away from madness? How simple would it be for something to switch in me, to snap in my brain, sending my chemicals into overdrive, plunging me completely into insanity? I’m not saying I am unhappy. I’m really not. I’m content. I’m satisfied. I feel joy. I delight in the sun, the trees, my friends, my family, my dogs, my cat…and still, I feel so close to insanity. I am one crisis away, really. I am a week of not taking my medication away. I don’t think I am really making sense?

So, I go to bed every morning, eager to get up and work out. The past few nights, I have awakened exhausted. I no longer feel like going to class anymore. I feel like sleeping. I have not been sleeping well. The sun is excruciatingly bright in my eyes( need blackout curtains), the construction is pounding in my brain(need earplugs- they are building a new apartment building outside my window), and my heart beats louder than anything. My thoughts are more blinding than the sun ever could be, perseverating…fears, failures, doubts, stress, anxiety, madness. I can be completely happy going to sleep, only to awaken half an hour later with a sense of impending doom. My dreams are ridiculously vivid.

Ok, I don’t have anything else to say. I hope I can sleep some today and get up for class( I signed up for aerial yoga and pole). I am so excited to try Aerial yoga!