Sing My Favorite Phrase in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Not at all surprised and not at all happy.
I woke up several times through the night. Once at 2 am. Once at 4:30 am. Then finally at 5:45 am. At that point, I figured… fuck it. Got out of bed. Checked e-mail, played video games, took a long shower and shaved. Drove to work with no sense of “rush.”

Got in to the office around 8:00. Second one there. Pretty standard. Finished last week’s billing. I got a grand total of 17.1 hours all week. Now, that is the third best week I’ve had since starting this job but… that still means I’m not even reaching Minimum Expectations. I need (either) 19.3 hours per week, 83.4 hours per month. So, I threw myself into my work and… hahaha. Not really. I mean… too much of my work is helping Bosses or Calling Civilians and I’m not going to start ringing people up at 8 am. If they were businesses, yeah, no problem. But when it comes to people; I’ll hold off until 10 or later.

As I reviewed my short list of Things To Do This Week; a song started playing in my head. A beautiful song; but certainly not a good song for my mood of late.

But for some reason; that is my heart today. Just… seeing the path before me. Knowing it is “Keep doing what you’re doing and some day you’ll die”. Looking back over my shoulder and seeing the paths that I missed, didn’t take, or were unaware of until it was too late.

I drove in to work today actually hoping some asshole would come out of nowhere and hit my car so hard I’d have to spend a few weeks in Hospital. So I could have a vacation from work, home, life. I realize that is an awful thing to say, especially as I have readers I care about deeply that have been in horrendous accidents and I don’t wish to diminish what they’ve gone through. But… yeah. I could use a break from 50 Hour Work Weeks of 18 hours of pay. I could use a break from a Wife that is so emotionally volatile and self-hating; that she has no emotional energy for me in anyway.

I could use a break from my life.

Last updated June 05, 2017