Struggling in My Fucking Feelings

I’m doing just fine. No real problems. Should have a new job soon. Thats good. And yet… It would feel so good to have someone holding me right now. Feeling lonely. Feeling tired. No motivation to get anything done. Struggling by with basic things, mentally speaking. Like making a decent dinner, taking the dog out, making sure me and my son have clean clothes despite the dryer being broken. Just little things. Still there are so many other things left undone.

My ex-husband never understood the lack of energy that comes with depression. He’d just get frustrated that I didn’t get anything done. He didn’t know how much effort it takes to do anything at all sometimes. There is so much that needs to be done. I’m just making sure I cover the basics. Really need to see about enrolling in college. I’ll figure out how to pay for it later. My brain needs something to do.

The big show is tomorrow. I’m scared of how many people will be there. I’m going to panic probably. It seems like I’ve been waiting forever for this one. Yet I know that I probably won’t get to talk to the one guy I wanna see. I don’t know what to do. I guess I’ll just wait patiently until he decides to be comfortable with me.