Days off. in Since OD is shutting down....

It’s been a good couple days off. I didn’t do much or hear from anyone but it still went alright. I was able to get 2 of me medications today so I don’t have to worry about making another trip until I have to reorder again and hopefully it will only be one more time.

I showered and cleaned out my vacuum because it was clogged. I was really worried that it was broken because I really can’t afford another one right now so thankfully I was able to fix it.

My hips/inner thighs have been killing me for a couple of weeks now. The pain got pretty bad Saturday night to the point where I had to leave work earlier than what I wanted to. I definitely wanted to stay and make a little bit more money but I was hurting so fucking bad that there’s no way I could have continued trying to work. I brought it up to my dr last week and he said he could refer me to a physical therapist but I don’t know if my insurance would cover that or not so I decided to Google it and have been doing some stretches since yesterday and so far, it’s helped tremendously.

I’m still in pain but not with every step and I don’t dread trying to walk now. I just have to get through the next 4 weeks of work and that’s all that matters right now. Pregnancy is super hard emotionally, physically, and mentally and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to have my daughter. I only have 7 weeks left.

He messaged my friend today asking when his Mother could drop off the stuff they bought and she said she could come tonight but then it turned into she’ll bring it when she has time so apparently we don’t care that I’m not always fucking home. I really don’t believe they’ve bought anything and it’s nothing more than a reason to talk to my friend. I honestly don’t care if they give me anything for her or not as I already have what I need, no thanks to them.

I saw my niece outside for a couple of minutes on Friday. It was the last day of school and since she had perfect attendance, they gave her a brand new bike. I guess they are having care issues so he was driving my Mom’s truck. It pisses me off because obviously she had to come get her vehicle and doesn’t bother to stop by and see how I’m doing. It’s pretty sad when your own Mother can go long periods of time without seeing or speaking to her pregnant daughter. It sickens me, actually.

Nothing really bothers me anymore with my family because I know it’s never going to change and I’m used to them not being in my life. I can see my niece now and I don’t drive away with tears in my eyes anymore. I see her and then I continue with my day. I think because things have been fucked up for almost a year now that her and I have both adjusted to not seeing each other. I also think it’s better for me because there’s no pressure for me to take her every weekend anymore or be spending money that I can’t afford. I still wish things could be different but I know at the end of the day, I did everything I could.

I have another ultrasound in the morning but my friend isn’t able to come. It bothers me some but I’ll probably just get the rest of them over with by myself. I’m not going to ask anyone to come along anymore. I’m so close to the end of my pregnancy as it is that I can handle it for myself. It frustrates me that my family can’t be around at all but I don’t expect anything less. Now that things are clearly about someone else, they can’t handle it so they have gone ghost. Typical.

I’m just glad that I am strong enough to handle this and found a lot of inner peace. I’m in a better place now than I was in beginning of my pregnancy and I’d rather things be the way they are than think people are going to be around after my daughter is born and be really let down. This is just a preview of how things are going to be and I know that I’m strong enough to be a single parent. I won’t have a choice but I just have to be strong for myself and my child.

Anyways, I’m going to lay down now.