jesus as a professional wrestler in poetry

Jesus as a professional wrestler
putting the moneychangers through their tables
instead of merely flipping them over

Jesus as a professional wrestler
getting pinned brutally at the Friday night show
but for the Sunday pay-per-view the announcer screams
“He’s back, mah God!”

Jesus as a professional wrestler
up on the cross yelling to God
“Father, why hath thou Montreal Screwjobbed me?”

Jesus as a professional wrestler
bleeding from the head
not because He got punched that hard
rather that the thorns hidden in His headband
bladed him up good

Jesus as a professional wrestler
at the Last Supper declaring
“one of you will break kayfabe on me”

Jesus as a professional wrestler
seeing the paltry locker room food spread
calling in a favour at a deli
getting lox & bagels for all the talent

Jesus as a professional wrestler
spending forty days in the low indy circus
tempted by offers from Vince MacMahon of the WWF
but if he’ll take on a wrestling plumber gimmick

Jesus as a professional wrestler
having just delivered the Sermon on the Mount
the smarks all go to the message boards
to debate His microphone skills

Jesus as a professional wrestler
about to win the tag team titles with Judas
only for Judas himself to hit him in the head with a chair
then the Million Dollar Man pays him off

Jesus as a professional wrestler
winning a falls-count anywhere match
by walking out onto a lake and
letting His opponent go unconscious underwater
winning by submission and also
winning by submersion