Lawyer, job stuff. in Since OD is shutting down....

I met with the lawyer today and things went good. She basically confirmed everything I already knew from stuff I’ve read online and the things my friends have told me. Basically, it would be easier to get CS if he were to sign the BC at the hospital, but he can also sign it at DSS. He can definitely drag his feet doing so, but he’ll be held responsible at some point regardless. She told me that custody/visitation can NOT move forward until he establishes paternity and even once that’s done, he’ll have to take me to court.

Initially, paternity, visitation, and custody will all be up to him. I asked about him being able to pick her up from school or daycare and she said as long as I don’t put him on any of the paperwork he won’t be able to even if he’s on the BC. She’s made it pretty clear that because we were never married, he has no rights until he fights for them. If he were to take her from me, especially without a court order in place they would be able to nail him for kidnapping.

I just wish he wouldn’t have been so crazy because him and I would be able to speak directly and work out some kind of visitation schedule but now, he’s gonna have to take me to court. My friend has messaged him and asked if he plans to come to the birth and sign the paternity affidavit but he hasn’t even checked it yet so I don’t know what’s going on. I’d just like to see what he has to say about it and get some kind of idea on how proceed. All of this would be a lot easier if he wasn’t crazy and argumentative.

As long as I cooperate with DSS by giving them his name, I will still be able to get assistance. They will go after him. I know that it can take awhile depending on his cooperation but I’m sure I’ll never see a dime of CS anyway because he doesn’t really work and he’s very selfish and immature and isn’t going to care what struggles I’ll have financially because he’s not going to help if he can get away with it.

It’s just crazy how you don’t realize how fucked up, selfish, and immature someone is until you get pregnant and then it’s too fucking late. I’m just happy that I’m stable and can provide for her because I know I won’t be able to rely on him for anything. I’ve talked to so many single Mom’s and most Dad’s are the same exact way where they don’t feel that they should have to help whatsoever. I’ve mentioned to my friend about what does he plan to do if I choose not the drop the RO. I just have my concerns about it because I’m just afraid that once it’s dropped, he’s gonna go right back into his abusive/threatening behavior.

I don’t think any amount of help is going to make him able to get along with me and set up a good healthy co-parenting situation. I definitely worry about my daughter never knowing him because I’m not going to deal with his selfishness and crazy. I have to put my foot down with this as I don’t trust him to change enough to make this work. Again, I understand that he fathered my child and deserves a chance and I’m willing to give them to him provided he can prove stability. I’m not going to have her around an abusive alcoholic that has no fucking prayer of being a decent human being.

Been thinking a lot more about my job situation and I really don’t want to go back after maternity leave but if I do, I’m going to work the bare minimum. I’m hoping to find something else so I don’t have to go back. We just aren’t making the same money that we did and every month once my rent and car insurance comes out, I’m really short on my money. It takes me the whole month to get it back where it should be just for it to be spent again. I’m worried that I’m not going to have enough money to cover my fucking maternity leave because we don’t make shit anymore. I’m really sick of fighting this constant battle and I’m ready for a real job.

I like my job because it’s my comfort zone. I like knowing what I can get away with, I like knowing what I’m doing, I like the freedoms that I have there but I’m struggling to pay my bills and buy baby stuff and it’s gotten super fucking old. It’s just crazy that now at the time I need to make real money, I don’t make shit and I haven’t for months now. This is part of the reason I’m so angry at BD for leaving me holding the fucking bag. I have gone weeks without buying groceries and having to eat cheap drive through stuff because I’ve had to buy so much baby stuff. He acts like his only responsibility is to fight with my friend. Doesn’t understand that children cost money!!

It’s already mid-May and we still haven’t picked up. I’m just concerned because I still need to buy a carseat and my paycheck used to cover my dental insurance, student loans, credit card, and cable bill but now I have to juggle all month to pay my dental and student loans because my check is never enough and it’s super frustrating. I would also like to have the credit card paid off because I start maternity leave and I’m worried that’s not going to happen either. My job is super frustrating. I never had to worry about money like this before and I’m gonna be so glad when I am able to find something else. It’s just easier to stay there because I don’t have to worry about not having a job when I return but I plan on leaving shortly after.

Anyways, I’m gonna lay down for awhile because my back is giving me hell today.