Almost Cried in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Thanks for the Birthday Greetings, friends!

Last Night… semi-okay? Went to go work at home; got some research and studying done. THEN got a call at 5 from the bosses checking to see if I was still in the office. Seemed… a strange thing to do. I told them the truth and knew there would be hell coming. It came today but I’ll get to that.

Then had a really nice dinner with my wife and that was the night.

Today… get to work, once again an HOUR + earlier than everyone else including the secretaries. Dive right in. Get a full solid billable hour in for drafting agreements and letters and other stuff.

Then hell. Chinese Boss comes in and asks me about a file. She’s using words that are entirely unfamiliar to me… asking about an Affidavit but pointing to a form; asking me about the Client’s Personal Documents but the file she gave me didn’t have any personal documents. Crazy, weird, confusing stuff. SO she gets pissed that I’m so far behind and don’t understand anything about Immigration still. AND she and White Boss come in with a 40 minute “conversation.” The gist of which is, “We can make you rich and you’re smart, so that is something we want to keep around here. Your writing and court comfort are valuable things.
But you aren’t putting in enough hours. You aren’t working hard enough.” I… almost cried a little. I’ve been putting in 8:00 am to 5 or 6 o’clock shifts for weeks, typically taking less than 30 minutes for lunch. So I’ve been doing 8.5 hours to 9.5 hours every day. And they are saying it isn’t enough. That they want me to consistently be the last person out every day and they want me to spend more time studying Immigration because I don’t know it well enough yet. So… what they are asking me to do… is be here from 8 in the morning to 7 at night; and use whatever time I’m not working on files to study Immigration.

I… am conflicted. I wanted this job because it was a pathway HOME, it was a pathway to FINANCIAL SUCCESS, and it was a pathway to LEARNING. But… honestly… eleven hour days? I don’t see my wife much as it is.

Honestly… this shit makes me worried about things like… Dr’s visits and shit. Like… if I’m getting “The Talk” because I leave between 5 and 6 every night… what is it going to be like I’m like, “Uh, I have to leave for an hour but then I’ll be back.” Or maybe I’m over-reacting. But… yeah. I know that I don’t know shit about Immigration. I also know that I was hired to learn. Because Chinese Assistant… has gone through the immigration process. Because Chinese Boss… has gone through the immigration process. White Boss… doesn’t do much of the Immigration Cases. And me? I’m the only one in the firm who was born and raised in the state where the firm is located. Which, while not being sufficient proof, suggests that I’ve never dealt with any form of Immigration ever in my life. Honestly… even traveling to Mexico, Canada, Bermuda, Germany, and Austria… I am a US Citizen. I’ve never had to so much as apply for a visa before. I get it… I’ve been doing this job for a month… but I’ve also been doing Business Formation cases, Criminal Law, Juvenile Law, Family Law… I’m sorry I can’t explain the difference between an I-864 and an I-485 yet.

So… yeah. Conflicted. I want this job. I want to do well in this job. Hell, I even like the two bosses. It’s just… at 33, when I barely have enough work to average 2 billable hours per day… am I really going to be okay/claim everything is alright with them asking me to do 50+ hours a week? I don’t know. I mean.... personal rules laid out here.
3 Months Allotted to become proficient enough to Maintain
6 Months Allotted to discover whether this job/firm is the right fit for me.
9 Months allotted to discover if I can survive financially in this job/firm
12 Months allotted to discover if I am comfortable dedicating my career entirely to this job/firm.

1 month down. 1 month down and “A Brief Word” to spell out where I am after that month.
2 months to go to see if you can pick up enough to stand.