What would Jesus Eat? in Normal entries

I just lived through three months of a trump presidency, maybe four, feels like longer, and all the attendant lionizing and demonizing and Christ you’d think it would damn hard to offend me now, but these folks managed to. Even receiving the email implies I’m fat, it opens with calling me a Christian and uses a phrase I think Jeff Sessions scrawled on the white house mens room next to a line drawing of a dick; Leftist Food Corporations. The Fuck? Is that how shit is going to be for the next couple of years, to discredit something toss in leftist as an adjective?

Sure, I saw Charlie the Tuna at my weekly Marxist fascism fry ( it was supposed to be a fish fry, but that’s cruel) and those guys from proctor and gamble at my Satanist knitting circle, but, come on. And what the hell is a Big weight loss company and how come they aren’t partisan?

Hmmm, I better show the email now.

Dear Fellow Christian,
Buried deep in Bible scriptures is a 2000-year-old secret that is transforming the health of Christians all across America, allowing thousands of men and women of all ages to miraculously burn belly flab overnight…
This Biblical fat blasting tip is so simple scholars are scratching their heads, wondering why they didn’t see it before.
And the Scientific Community is completely baffled.... yet they still reluctantly support this astonishing weight loss trick that comes directly from the Bible…
WARNING: Big weight loss companies, leftist food corporations, and the pharmaceutical industry do NOT want you seeing this quick video. Word of the “Biblical Secret” contained inside is spreading like wildfire and it’s only a matter of time until these big corporations rally their lobbyist to get this videotaken down.
So if you want to experience fat loss of Biblical proportions then watch it all while you still can. Click here to watch now >>

But wait, that’s not the worst of it. I bought the fucking thing. Well, it makes sense, though I’m not really worried about my weight. It sounds interesting or hysterically funny the way three months of a trump presidency has been; emphasis on hysterical and no qualifying funny with ha-ha or strange (as in ‘does this smell funny to you?’). I only have two rationalizations for shit that gets stuck in my craw; 1) I haven’t bought a movie, for instance, in a long time, I owe karma a few bucks and 2) Are you kidding me? That shit is stupid. It’s been awhile since I used number one and shit I owe karma a few rationalizations.

Hmmm, in mapping out the next 127 paragraphs in my head I discovered 129 more rationalizations. I best stop whilst I’m behind.