Hya in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Ow. I woke up this morning in super sore shape.
I got up, though, showered, and left… typically, from when I left, I’d get to work a good 15 minutes early!
Total gridlock on the road. Get a text from my boss that he is disappointed that I am late again.
Get in to the office exactly 4 minutes later than expected and White Boss is already on his way to court. I catch up with him quickly, tell him that I am sorry and he chews me out about being punctual.
Then we wait for the client to show up. Enter a court room with (kid you not) 10 other attorneys and hear such brilliant testimony as “Your hair stat test came back positive for Methamphetamines. Are you aware of this?” “Yes.” “But it is your testimony today that you have never smoked meth?” “That is my testimony.” “And you say you have never been in the same room as someone who has smoked meth?” “That is my testimony.” “So how do you explain your hair stat test?” “I hang out with people who do meth.”
That hearing went on for over two hours. None of which I get credited for, btw. I’m not the attorney of the firm handling the case; it is just shadowing. So that is “education.”
Then we come back to the office and I ask White Boss what to do in my criminal defense case. After all, it seems like the best thing to do would be to tell the client to take the deal but White Boss has said a number of times that “this firm doesn’t just accept deals; we fight for our clients.” So… shit. My legal instinct is saying.... this kid is not legally allowed to drive. He was pulled over for driving. KIND OF OPEN AND SHUT CASE HERE. I’m just glad there is an offer at all!
White Boss said to go ahead and suggest the deal; look into a few things but go ahead and suggest the deal. Which also means… this is a case for which I get very few (if any) Billable Hours! MOTHER FUCKER
So… now my only hope of any actual payment for the day is in drafting an agreement for Chinese Boss. Drafting a business agreement for a group of Chinese Businessmen hoping to sell private share of their company to politically influential people back in China. Oh… and I don’t know dick about business. Gah!

I feel torn on all of it. Like… I shouldn’t be hard on myself, I’m just learning, it’s all right. But conversely; the firm expects me to step up, I need to get paid, and leaving Tiny Town and Money for Home and Poverty still isn’t that much of a step forward! So… I’m freaking a bit.
And to add on to that… I’m tired. I’m pushing myself and trying to understand, and learn, and do, and figure out… all while feeling anxiety about money. I’m just very tired.

(That being said… I do plan on both enjoying my Saturday and catch up on some PB reading. So that’s in… just.... 3 days. I can make it that far.)