Fatigue, work. in Since OD is shutting down....

I have been massively tired lately and I struggle to get through the day. I got some sample prenatal pills from my OB and took them today and yesterday but now I’m constipated so I can’t keep taking them. I know I need more iron and that’s why I’m so tired but I’m going to just have to start eating more iron rich foods because the prenatal pills are murder when going #2.

I’ve been so tired that I get super annoyed at work and worry how I’m going to get through my shift. I come home and can’t wait to lay down. Being pregnant is really hard and I’m definitely not planning on having any more children. I give props to women who have more than one baby. I’m honestly jealous of pregnant women that don’t have to work because it’s really hard trying to balance work along with pregnancy because everyday is different. I just never know how I’m going to feel and it’s stressful as fuck.

My nurse came today and we talked about CS and BC stuff. From what I’ve been told, getting him to take paternity test or acknowledge paternity can take anywhere from a month to a couple years, depending on his cooperation. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever see a dime either way because of his instability with keeping jobs. If he’s not on the BC, he has zero rights but I won’t have even a prayer to receive CS and if he is on the BC, I still may not ever see any money and he would be more inclined to visitation.

I’m going to fill out an application with a law office here and get some legal advice. Again, I don’t intend to keep him from his child whatsoever, I just want to know what my options are and what’s what. I want to do everything the right and legal way. I definitely don’t want this to end up in court because it’s money I don’t have that I can’t afford and I feel that this can be handled without it. This would be a lot easier if I knew his intentions and if he wasn’t in a delusional state of mind. I just want the best for my child and I do want him to be a part of her life, provided he gets help and can hold an actual conversation.

This is very overwhelming and stressful. I don’t wish any of this upon my worst enemy and I just wish that I would have chosen a better Dad for my kid. I seriously never knew he was this crazy until now and now, it’s too late. There’s no going back. All I know is I’m not going to spend the next 18 years being abused and threatened so hopefully this can end up being a really good situation for the sake of my daughter. I want him to be a part of her life but I just worry about his anger and drinking problems. I honestly don’t know what if any involvement he plans to have and probably won’t know until after she’s born and he’s to take a fucking paternity test.

My Mom came with me to my Dr appointment. My Dad of course had to call in the middle of it to tell her about some nonsense involving horses and she actually told him she was at my appointment and needed to hang up. I was actually super proud of her for that. He doesn’t ask how I’m doing or ask about the baby. Nothing is more important to him than his fucking horses and it truly disgusts me. I know me having a child is really only a big deal to me but everyone could do a better job at pretending to give a fuck.

Work went okay tonight. I left an hour early because we were so dead. It definitely stresses me out because I’m already there very part time so leaving almost an hour early starts to affect my paycheck even more than it already does. I’m just praying it’s going to start to pick up. I still think about finding something else while I’m on maternity leave because I’m honestly so fucking sick of that place that I could scream.

Anyways, I need to lay down because my back is screaming. Goodnight.