D99, This is the Commander and Chief in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

So, this is me breaking my own rules in a manner that allows me to be sneaky without breaking my own rules.

In an effort to stay professional; I am not allowing myself to use Facebook or Prosebox from my work laptop. Yes, the laptop that I purchased and that I alone have access to. It is a mentality thing. If this is for WORK then it is not to be used for SOCIAL or FUN. So there....
thus, I am writing this as an e-mail to myself. It is these small, but bullshit, things that mark my progress in trying to be a better person and lawyer here than I was in Tiny Town.

Our apartment is still a mess. I am feeling… better? Still not “work out” better but better enough that I don’t feel like complete dog poop in the morning. Though… I am not waking up “bright eyed and bushy tailed” in the mornings yet. The job is… well… yeah.

I arrive between 8 and 9 (depending on the commute) and I leave between 6 and 7. Typically, this means I have 4 hours at night (if I get in bed by 11) and 2 hours in the morning (if I actually wake up by 6). This kind of scheduling is excessively different from my Tiny Town Routine. Technically, I guess, I lost a lot of money and approximately 3 to 4 hours of my life.

So far the job is… out of my wheel house. Oh sure, if I get assigned to do Criminal Law or Juvenile Law, I’ll be able to take care of that no problem. Shouldn’t be a concern. IF I ever get clients for that. Until then? I’m working on immigration cases. Writing things I don’t understand, using evidence given in a language I don’t understand. It isn’t even that I don’t know what to do.. I’ve been instructed. Write a compelling argument in a specific format in an attempt to convince the American Government that this Chinese Woman would face undue persecution if returning to China. She is a Christian. It seems obvious that she would face undue persecution. But… I need to do better. I need to do more.

Ultimately? This is the job I want/need. This job allows me to help people. To actually assist people in significant ways. And it allows me to write. And use my brain.
The problem is… I’m ridiculously out of practice on all of that, lol. Once more, fingers crossed and prayers said that this experience will teach me, fulfill me, and allow me to quickly learn how to do this type of work!!

Though… it would also be preferable if the internet didn’t go down every Lunch Hour.

Ultimately, I’ll admit.... I’m concerned. I’m concerned by the Apartment as it feels too small. I’m concerned about Wife as she, again, feels determined to dislike her Walmart and do little to remove herself from the experience. I am concerned by the job on a number of levels. Time consuming; level of difficulty and familiarity; whether I’ll produce enough to keep my job… all sorts of concerns.

I realize the response will likely be something like “Early days yet. You can do it!” But… I have a history of taking a long time and failing hard before succeeding. Especially when it comes to the law. So… I just… really hope I can carry forward.

TOTALLY RANDOM

So Wife and I were discussing our history… and I made a comment about “Y’know… I was able to go 3 years without sex, I can handle a dry spell now. We’re going through a lot together right now and the most important thing is just to support each other.” Maybe it was a shitty thing to say but… seriously… I was trying to be good. I mean… I don’t want to go 3 years without “getting my rocks off” but.... if that’s my lot in life, that’s my lot in life. Wife said: “No way. You exaggerate by nature… I’m sure it’s more like a year or two.” So we had an argument about whether we were sexually active throughout our entire relationship. She thought that we’d had a perfectly healthy relationship the entire time… I KNEW that we’d not had sex for almost all of Law School. So she specifically said “Check your Prosebox or whatever it’s called. I’m sure you kept records.” So… I checked. And…

Not that I’m particularly PROUD of the fact… but… my career (Prosecutor OR Private) is about Truth. And if I’ve only encountered three vaginas in my entire life (not counting my mom, since I don’t remember that one)… then maybe I’d remember. Aoife… I encountered 99.13% with my fingers… 0.87% with my penis. Aku… I encountered almost 99% with my eyes… 1% with fingers/mouth/etc if at all. You see where I’m going? Anyway… that is a discussion we had.... whether we had sex in law school. Maybe… she believed me. Because… I can swear 100% that between NOVEMBER 2011 and sometime during 2014/15..... my relationship was celibate, Oh well… she can believe what she wants… I can know what I know.

VIDEO GAMES I WISH I OWNED AND HAD TIME FOR:
Persona 5
Nier: Automata

Last updated April 07, 2017