attempt in poetry

in some ways “attempted murder”
is even worse than “murder”
because not only are you still in jail
but you’re also a failure
I bet that at the prison cafeterias
you have to sit at the nerd table
if you’re just an “attempted murderer”
like the jerk at the restaurant how tries
to eat the sixty-four ounce steak that’s free
but only if you finish the whole thing
then couldn’t even get down half
stuck with the giant shameful bill
if you lose an election
they don’t call you “attempted governor”
if you blow your interview
they don’t call you “attempted janitor”
if you get shot down for a date
they don’t call you “attempted lover”
only attempted murderers get a particular title
as if to say
you tried for the home run and
you swung out of your shoes and
you whiffed so here’s your lifelong walk of shame
not only do you get your ten-to-twenty in jail
but everybody knows
you’re evil and you’re lame