Yeah. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so court is Friday. He’s continued to message my friend and talk about how he’s unable to come due to not being able to afford it and now claims he’s on unemployment. I personally think he just tells her whatever he thinks is going to get him out of paying child support. I don’t think he realizes that he’s going to have responsible one way or another. He told her that he spent his taxes on a bus pass, books, and a new bed. Well that’s all well and good when his child could use a bed but whatever.

He messaged her back to say that he was coming and leaving there today but the bus left at 8am this morning. He lies and continues to go back and forth with his nonsense. My mission was just to find out if he’s going to be at the hearing or not so I know how nervous I should plan to be. I want to be mentally prepared.

From what I’ve researched, he would have to leave there by tomorrow to make it here in time for court and it’s a 34 hour bus ride. I just hope he doesn’t show up because I don’t want to see him.

I honestly am just so fucking ready to get this over with and close the fucking chapter. I think whether it gets granted or not, I’m going to tell my friend that if she continues having contact with him that I don’t want to hear about it and I want to just focus on having a happy healthy baby, finish getting everything I need for her and moving forward. This motherfucker has been topic of conversation for months now and he’s gotten way more attention than he’s EVER deserved. It’s just not healthy for either one of us to engage in his bullshit. She’s also pregnant and whether she admits it or not, I know he’s pushed her buttons too.

Because they didn’t get everything they needed at the last ultrasound, I went in for another one today. It went really well because she’s bigger and it was so much easier to identify what was what. She’s healthy, brain and spine look fine. I got much better pictures this time and super glad I got to go again. i could seriously watch her on a big TV all day long. She still wouldn’t move her arm so we weren’t able to get good pictures of her face but she has round cheeks and is already the apple of my eye. I’m over the moon!

I do get sad for her Dad because he doesn’t even realize what he’s missing. I still wish very much that he could just be a normal person. I wish that he wouldn’t have moved away and we were able to try and figure something out so my daughter could have a stable father figure in her life. It makes me angry that he’s such a fucking crazy, selfish person but there’s nothing I can do about that. I’ll pray for him.

Yesterday I messaged my lady that I want to use for my daycare because I needed a definite answer about her being interested in watching my kid and she said she was holding my spot. It literally made my day. My little trailer trash friend made a comment about how soon it is for me to be worrying about it but she doesn’t work and it’s obviously not a priority for her. I was built to work and I want my daughter growing up with a working Mom and because I don’t want to struggle financially meeting her needs. I can’t rely on her Dad to help and I want to be able to provide everything she needs. I also can’t afford to be a SAHM nor would I feel like I’m doing the right thing.

Finding daycare for a newborn here is like finding a needle in a haystack and I just wanted to start early in finding someone. I just didn’t want to be ready to go back to work and have no one to watch her and then freak the fuck out about bills. I’m really grateful that my bills really aren’t that bad and I don’t have to work full time but I still want to make money and have interaction with other adults. My OB said today that I really should try and work as long as I can because otherwise I’ll go stir crazy sitting at home.

I’m worried about money because I’m short on rent and still haven’t gotten my taxes. I need to make some serious money this week. I’ll probably just have to use my credit card to get my tags because they are due by the end of the week. I spent too much on baby stuff over the weekend but I just want to get everything I need so that I can start getting her room in order and building my back account.

This morning I was supposed to ride with my little friend to sit in the car and watch her kids because she had court for theft but she called and rescheduled apparently. I was super happy that I didn’t have to get up and sit in a car for who knows how long with kids crying at 8am. I have realized that girl is a white trash train wreck and I don’t plan to have much more to do with her. She just has way too much drama in her life and I feel sorry for her kids. Her house is fucking gross and I really hope she cleans up her act. She doesn’t work so there’s no reason for her house to be so nasty. I come home from her house and I’m so glad I live in a nice apartment that’s clean, smells good and I have nice things.

Anyways, I’m gonna lay down now. Goodnight.