Accomplished!!! in Since OD is shutting down....

I had so much stuff to do since last week and it’s finally all done! I got tags on Thursday, Court on Friday, moved the car yesterday, got my parking pass today along with my medications, baby clothes hung up and did my laundry. I was able to score some free baby hangers today and I’m pretty happy about that because them damn things are expensive!! I’m still going to buy some but now I won’t need very many as I’m almost out of room in her little closet!!

I bought a few more sleepers for her and 5 more outfits today. I ran into my parents and went to Walmart with them. It was raining for a awhile and was chilly. I don’t think it’s going to snow anymore so I’ll happily deal with the damn rain. My Dad was actually very nice to me and actually gave me $20!!! I was pretty shocked by this and they even brought my groceries in and put them away! Any little bit of help I get from anyone is always so much appreciated. I made my tortilla soup for supper and it was very good.

Today I called to try and figure out where my taxes were with no luck and was super frustrated. I spent 30 minutes on the phone with the IRS and no matter what I did wasn’t able to get a live agent on the phone. I checked the mail earlier today after having a feeling it was in there and sure as shit, it was!! It took me over a month to get it because I wanted the paper check and after having to wait so long, I’ll never do anything but direct deposit from here on out. I had to put it in the bank and arrange some stuff. I had to pay back the money I spent for my tags but still have plenty leftover. That’s the money I’m going to use for my maternity leave. I’m so glad it finally came and I’ll be able to relax with my baby and not worry about how I’m going to pay everything.

It was super nice to hang out with my parents today and hoping we’ll do that more often. I’m going to be buying a crib soon and I’m going to ask them to help put it together and get her room ready. I don’t need much more stuff for her but I’m not going to be able to completely relax until I have everything bought. I just need a crib, mattress, bedding, receiving blankets and I do want a couple more boxes of diapers and wipes. I already have plenty but I just want to be as prepared as possible.

All I have to do tomorrow is shower and print out my paystubs because I realized I’m now making under the limit to get food stamps. I want to start stocking up on freezer stuff now so that I will have plenty of dinner for my maternity leave. I haven’t really been buying groceries lately because I’ve been so preoccupied with buying baby stuff so i’m going to get my fridge and cupboards stocked up. My printer ran out of ink so I have to go somewhere to print them and get them dropped off.

That girl that I hung out with a few times that’s a complete train wreck text me tonight and asked if I would sit in her car with her kids in the morning because she has court and I said no, I had other things going on. I’m trying to distance myself from people who don’t even bother to ask how I am but only reach me when they need something. I’m going to have my own child to worry about and I highly doubt all of these people that I’ve helped so much are ever going to return the favor so I am very selective who I do things for now. I haven’t really heard from her since we hung out a couple of weeks ago so I find it rude for her to ask me to help her out.

It’s cold in my house and I’m going to turn the heat on. I’m sad that my day off went so fast but glad I have everything done finally. I am also glad that I got some groceries today because I’m tired of worrying about food. I hate always eating fast food because it’s unhealthy and expensive. I did really good with my money this weeks so I had extra. I have to sacrifice a lot because I have a baby on the way and her Dad isn’t doing anything to help. I don’t think he realizes that I could use some help but he’s not going to lift a finger to do anything.

I’ve thought a lot about BD and I’m really glad I got the RO. I just don’t get him being mean for MONTHS and then once the RO gets granted, he’s crying?! Why was he crying? Because he HAS to stay away? Because his abuse has to stop?! He was MR. Tough guy over Facebook, told my friend that me and his unborn child can rot in hell and eat shit and die! He told me to get an abortion. He’s asked me for money. He’s said a thousand times that the baby isn’t his. He had a girlfriend. He left me when I was 6 weeks pregnant. He’s just done so much that I don’t even know if this situation is repairable. Until he gets help, I don’t plan to even consider contact with him. He’s a fucking mess and I’m not going to allow it for myself or my child.

I can’t help but think that things didn’t have to end like this. If he wouldn’t have been so crazy and mean, we could still be in contact and be figuring out a parenting plan. It was NEVER my intent to shut him out like this. I wanted him to be there for me and his baby. I wanted even a CHANCE for us to be together. He’s a good guy when he wants to be. I’ve seen the good in him and that’s why all of this is so hard to accept. I think of all the good times we had and how he’d look me in the eye with more intensity than I’ve ever known and tell me he loved me and ask me to marry him. It’s just so crazy that you don’t realize how unstable someone is until you get pregnant.

I walked into that courtroom knowing everything happens for a reason but I just wish that this could have went a different way. I do want him to be a part of his child’s life but he’s gotta get help first. His Mom was supposed to come over last week and never did. I never even heard back from her. I am just going to be upset if none of them make any effort until the baby is here when I’d rather get to know them before she comes so I feel comfortable with them being around.

Anyways, I’m fucking tired and gonna watch some TV and hit the hay. More tomorrow.