Look ahead, not back in A day in the life...

My last two entries were about “my story,” wherein I talked ad nauseum about all the horrible things that had happened to me in my life. Poor, poor me.

You know what? Screw that! Absolutely nothing good can come from talking and thinking about the past over and over again…NOTHING! So it’s onward and upward from here.

Don’t get me wrong; I do still talk about certain things from my past with my therapist, but that’s different. That’s because I’m in the process of putting those things to rest…for good. But that doesn’t mean I have to talk about them on here. What’s the point?

So I think I’ve talked about a group I go to at church every Tuesday night. It’s a self-help group, kind of like AA or NA, but it’s not just for people who struggle with drinking or drugs. It’s for people struggling with all sorts of issues, including the reason I go, which is because of depression and anxiety. Anyway, I’m struggling with whether or not to keep attending. There’s a girl that attends that I’m sorta kinda friends with outside of the group…I’ll call her Liz. Liz and I hang out outside of the group every now and then. But here’s the thing: the head honchos of the group have recently made Liz a small group leader (after the “lesson” we split up into small groups and share). I have issues with that for two big reasons: Liz gossips and she lies. She’s talked to me about other people there, telling me things I had absolutely no business knowing. She started to do it this past Friday when she and I were out together and I told her to drop it, that it was none of my business. She also likes to talk in “code.” You know....”I can’t say who it is, but I have a crush on someone at (group name) and he has a crush on me and he’s married. He’s one of the small group leaders and his wife also attends.” Or “This couple that attends is having major marital issues, but I can’t say who it is.” There’s more, much more, but you get the idea.

So now I’m not sure I want to attend anymore. I keep wondering what the HELL the main leaders were thinking by making her a small group leader.

But then I start wondering why this is bothering me so much? Just because she’s a small group leader doesn’t mean I have to go to her group. I can just go to someone else’s. I guess it’s the fact that the main leaders know most of the things she’s done, yet they still made her a small group leader. The fact that they did makes me question a lot of things about them and about the group.

Does any of this make sense? Do I have a right to be worried or question whether or not to attend this group anymore? I’m struggling with this. I’ve prayed about it…a lot…but I haven’t gotten any answers yet.

So this means I’ll keep praying and waiting, because God will answer me in His own time, which is perfect. :-)

Sorry for such a short (and boring) entry, but it’s better than nothing, right?

Much love,
Amy