retreat in Random Thoughts

Not the type of retreat where you back down, but the kind where you escape for a few days of solitude, yoga, meditation, and tech free relaxing.

I am considering whether i had a big important take-away from this retreat, as i have in the past. I was thinking perhaps i would have a connection with my therapy or readings of the Bhagavad Gita. What i experienced was important, but there wasn’t a shining light “AWWW” moment. A few things came to mind:

• i need a community, there is no doing this solo (whatever ‘this’ is)
• i am capable of/deserve being in a long term committed relationship
• what is it my worries about Ian serve in me?
• i want to work on those parts of me that are the “many ways the mind can go awry” in the areas of aversion and attachment. i am naturally inclined to being non-judgemental (but not 100%, of course!), kind, loving, generous. but there are different aspects of me i need to recognize, nurture, love, and change- a feeling of superiority, a feeling of being ‘special’, some judgemental aspects i retain, a need to be independent, an attachment to what Ian represents (but this is a murky area i am still delving into)

Today i have a rolfing session right after school and then therapy (to make up for what i missed Saturday) at 7:30 pm. I am going to be so ready for bed right afterwards!

Dream last night:

I am on a train or in a car and we are crossing a bridge. I notice down by the banks of a river (this looks very much like a bridge in portland) there was a train wreck and i see cars tumbled over on their side and burnt bodies strewn on the ground. Then, i look right next to me and see the body of a child, still breathing, but i wonder for how long. The wreck initially happened on the bridge, but the feeling i get (or someone told me?) was that all the people got together and used their feet to push the train cars down to the banks of the river. We are moving slowly by the wreck and i am wondering how it is we can even be moving this fast when their has been such a tragedy.

It is Monday and our last week before spring break. I plan to be extra kind and loving with my students, i know this can be a hard time for them.

I have plans to see Ian tomorrow.

Last updated March 27, 2017