Crossfire in Current Events

I might be exhausting myself to save face around Zach. I am definitely exhausting myself trying not to talk about him. It’s hard. I have to get this out today however. He keeps throwing shade. He will randomly say something to someone around me that is so out of context for them and they get so confused. People, places and things that only he and I used to talk about. The ones that hurt are the things that pertain to what he and I talked about that one day. “Oh sorry Jess I don’t want you to get confused about my sexuality.” Says Zach when asked where something is.

Today I could barely cope. I blew up over something so small on somebody else and it shook the whole store. The staff I mean. Tom doesn’t get mad. The tension is so thick between us and I just have nothing to say but I feel like he does. With his behavior lately I barely care that he has a pulse let alone something on his mind. He likes to push buttons and test his boundaries with people and I went and set up some limits between us that one day and I feel like he is now trying to find ways around them to get to me.

His fuck boy act had been on blast the last few days and I know what I did that triggered him. My confidence has been low so I have been going ham on my workouts at home. I even joined a gym and I’m aiming to start going next week. I was feeling cheeky the other day so I posted a snap of myself in my skivvies post workout. I hid my face because I have never done anything like that before. It was only a second long at 7am. Mid afternoon that day he came back from his break so flustered and so quiet and to himself. I didn’t know why until we were alone. “So you got abs?” he asked. He must have replayed it more than once I thought to myself. I don’t have much to look at just yet. “I ‘m going to get everything baby” I said to him.
Then he started talking about how attractive Conner was. Classic him. Conner is his bro. Dumb as nails but a butterface. He also told me to post the pic on IG. It lasted 2 minutes before I deleted it. Whatever! I was rail thin like him this time last year when I quit smoking. I wanted the 20lbs gain in 2016 and I decided a week ago to aim for more gains. I’m focused.

I won’t see him until Friday luckily. I need to figure out what I am going to do about this. I’m tired of feeling so agitated. I got to let it go.

I know Zach enough to know that he will be losing sleep about this. He tried to ask me why I was “ancy” today and he didn’t get an answer from me for the first time ever. “well I asked” he retorted. Whatever that was suppose to mean. I am taking solace in knowing that he will be losing sleep trying to figure me out.
Maybe I am such a woman as he says.

Last updated March 20, 2017