Frustrated. To the fucking max. in Since OD is shutting down....

Ok so I went to court. Well he got it moved so I get to worry about this for 3 more weeks. I guess he told the judge that he wasn’t going to be able to make it due to work and midterms. I asked about him sending the message to my friend about doing the conference call or the ITV thing and the judge said no, he doesn’t allow it and that he HAS to be here or he’s going to grant it for the permanent order.

The judge was super nice about it but I’m just upset that I was ready to go in and get this over with and that didn’t happen. I just don’t understand why Eric wants to fight this anyway. He doesn’t live here, probably won’t be moving back and doesn’t have the means to be able to see his kid on a regular basis anyways. The only reason I can think of is if he really is going to school to be a cop, he wouldn’t be able to have a firearm if he does get granted.

This is seriously the nightmare that won’t fucking end. I just wanted to get this shit over with and not have to worry about it anymore. Whether he shows up or not, it doesn’t mean it’s less likely for it to get granted. I think he’s doing this just to be difficult. This is seriously so fucking unfair.

I’m still thinking about moving and I need to go fill out at application to get a legal consultation because I need to know what’s what. I don’t plan to keep him from his child whatsoever but I don’t want him seeing her unless it’s in a controlled setting. I just feel like if this doesn’t get granted, then not only will that mean he’s gotten away with his harassment and his wrong behavior will continue.

Literally I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do if it doesn’t get granted. I just don’t want to have to deal with being called names and threatened for the rest of my fucking life. All he wants is to have control over me and that makes me furious. This person has brought me more stress, tears, and heartache than I’ve dealt with in a long time and I don’t know how I’m going to handle it if it doesn’t stop.

At least for now, the TPO is going to stay in place and I just have to hope for the best. I’m trying really hard to stay positive but I just can’t help but wonder if he’s going to get away with threatening to kill me, calling me names, and even saying ugly things about his own child. I just can’t believe this shit.

I feel like this is just the beginning to the end where I’m going to do nothing but fight with this motherfucker forever. I must get some legal advice and find out what I’m okay to do with moving, at least to another part of town and ask some questions about custody. I feel that he’s not gonna go down without a fight and not for the baby, but to just make life harder for me because he’s that type of person.

Anyways, I moved my counseling appointment so I have to be there in an hour so I’m gonna run and get a couple of things done before I have to be there. More later.