IWD in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Happy International Women’s Day! I announce this with joy and hope. Joy that the world has known so many invaluable women; and hope that women around the world will one day be seen as human beings first and gendered identities second.

Now onto your regularly scheduled program....

Today… felt productive. At this point… who freaking well knows if I’m being productive or not (probably not) but it sure felt productive. I got a few things filed this morning before heading off to court. In court I got 7 people signed up for payment plans (a personal best) and dealt with Initial Appearances and Mental Health Hearings until 3. Back to the office… our magistrate/county procedures are all fucked up. I’m glad I’m getting out even though these issues are now coming to light. It kind of follows my usual pattern. I work to discover and try to cure problems, informing people along the way of what is wrong; when I leave, those problems are exposed and the people who have been ignoring them suddenly try to fix them. Sometimes that helps fix them. Sometimes it brings the whole system down. On my way out, though, thanks!

That being said, I should work on the Request from the new Firm. I have to file for Case Assignments… essentially, volunteer to let the State of Iowa select me as Defense Counsel for Criminals and Juveniles at the State’s whim. It doesn’t make much money but can help keep a firm afloat. I should/will do that paperwork… but it feels… weird? I mean doing that while I’m still in my current position. It would be filling out a request to The State to give me Defense Cases while I am presently representing The State in Prosecution Cases.

At home, Wife is working on Costume Work for the Gala in April. It is nice of her since she demanded to sew me an outfit instead of me buying one; but… uhm… yeah. She cut my vest an inch short in the front and an inch too narrow. I didn’t say anything, but it is obviously too small. And her response was “Just lose more weight!”
This is probably me making a mountain out of a molehill but… I am so sick of her treating me like The Fat Kid. Yes, I have gained weight. No, I don’t look the way I want to. No, I don’t look the same as I did in 2005. Yes, I am trying to lose weight. We drink nothing but water and juice now. We eat scarcely and meals are cereal, sandwiches, or rice with chicken. I use the elliptical for at least 20 minutes a day.
I already feel bad enough about it. I went from 120 lbs in High School to 160 lbs in College to now I’m at 220. I miss my chin. But… yeah. I have a feeling this will continue. Wife doesn’t like that I’ve physically changed. Whereas… yeah… I’d like my wife to feel more confident about how she looks and wouldn’t complain if she lost some weight… but I’m certainly not going to get after her about it… I want her to feel good and be active… if she can still rollerblade and tae kwon do and ski (she can) then I don’t care. But… this is her mind here. She really doesn’t like change and change in my appearance is one of those changes where she just… gets hung up on it. It is one of the big reasons why, we’ve talked recently, her sexual or physical interest in me has nothing to do with my appearance anymore. Because she honestly doesn’t like it since it is so different. :( Gotta keep on keeping on, right?

In other news…we have another 5 appointments Saturday trying to find a place to live. Really hope this works out. It would be ideal to find a good place to live that would let us move in between the 20th and 31st. It would be best to be completely set up by the end of the month if possible.

If I haven’t mentioned it yet… the fact that I have no idea how I’ll be in a Private Firm, especially when it feels that I know so little still, is still a little anxiety-inducing.