"BETWEEN THE JACKPOTS AND THE BLACKOUTS" in "RESTLESS: POETICALLY-SPEAKING"

Between the jackpots and the blackouts
I saw your faces everywhere
My head was indeed full of heavy clouds
Some of you were already dead
and I was really scared

In and out of consciousness
a constant battle between light and darkness
trying hard to scream
drowning in an endless bad dream
swallowed by my own bed, it seemed

“Please, wake me up!”
I felt my spirit bounced all across the room
My body was like a sack of rag doll
unable to move, not even to crawl

Between the jackpots and the blackouts
No alcohol-fueled hangover could match this up
silently crying out the name of God…

…until one morning,
my spirit rejoined my body
awake as I could be…

I’m still alive today.

R.

(Jakarta, 23/2/2017 - 8:30 am)