Always comes back to Felicity in A new beginnging.

I was on my way up to his parents this past weekend. 2.5 hours by myself driving. Of course I saved the latest Felicity podcast for the drive.
It was the season finale of season 2- Ben says I love you.
There was a lot of back and forth about who said it first, how she responded, and what it all meant.
Yeah, I get it. No one else is as obsessed with this show as I am, but it is my diary so just shut up and deal with it.
What is my point here.
My point is that I know I am in love with Mark.
I feel like I don’t need to be the girl who waits for the guy to make the move- to say it first. Basically I have decided I am going to say it first. However, I am also a huge wuss. See previous posts about how long it took me to work up the guts to tell him I wanted to date him. (ahem only like 13 years)
I have always known Mark as a great guy. Obviously this has not changed. The only thing that has changed is we have taken it from best friends to, well you know.
So yeah obviously the L word is a bit different in this situation. I know him. He knows me. even like 4 years ago I have people that can attest to me saying, “well maybe I will just marry Mark because at least I know I would be happy forever.”
I get so overwhelmed with this. Like how did it take me this long. I could have had YEARS more with him already.
Yes, I know. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. shut up.
I don’t mean it like that, I know we all have to wade through certain amounts of shit. I get it .
This entry really has no point. I just wanted to record this.