Feeling somewhat overwhelmed. in Since OD is shutting down....

I was feeling super overwhelmed yesterday because I’m short on my rent and I have someone who owes me money and I’m not sure when I’ll get it and i have to mail my rent check today so it’s there on time. Ugh, I’m so tired of worrying about bills. It would be really handy if I made more than $30 every night. I also have to stop them from taking out the car insurance until next week because I just don’t have it right now.

It was a day where I couldn’t help but feel that if Eric was helping even a little bit with buying baby stuff this wouldn’t be as stressful. I generally don’t think about him or him not helping but yesterday things were getting to me. It’s hard to not have moments where I get pissed because it’s a lot to take on by myself. I know I can do it and I have been but I’m going to have times where I wish he could just be a normal fucking person!

I have a friend on Facebook that talked about getting daycare assistance so I messaged her and I guess they pay for 105 hours a month and she only pays $110. I think that’s really awesome and makes me feel less stressed about the whole daycare thing. She said that she didn’t even think you have to find a licensed daycare provider which is great because I know a few people that I’m going to consider watching my child.

There’s also a girl I’m going to buy a shit load of diapers from before I go to work today too. She has 400 of them that are newborn and 1’s which I already have plenty of but because they aren’t opened, I’ll be able to exchange them. I just want to be as stocked up as possible on diapers so I won’t have to buy any for awhile. Maybe I’m crazy for this but everyone talks about diapers and having more than enough isn’t a bad thing so I’m just trying to be prepared.

My nurse came for a visit yesterday and thank God she text me 3 hours before she was coming because I completely forgot about visit so I had time to pick up the house some. We talked about what to feed my baby and we discussed breastfeeding and formula. I guess they help with 9 cans of Enfamil every month and I’d have to buy 3-4 cans extra and they are $18 a piece. Breastfeeding is best because it’s really good for the baby nutrient wise and the skin on skin contact makes them feel more safe. I guess they help with a pump too. I’m still not entirely sure which way I want to go but definitely want to breastfeed for at least the first 2 weeks.

It finally dawned on me today that I’m 5 months pregnant. I just never think of it in months, only in weeks so I felt dumb when I finally realized that I’m 5 months. My ultrasound is on Tuesday and I’m really looking forward to it. I even took the day off work because I just want my day to be about family and get a little bit more of a break from work. I’m now worried that my friend isn’t going to come because she’s fighting with her husband and is now pissed at me because I tried to help so we’ll see. If she misses my ultrasound, I will be completely done with her.

So the lady selling me the diapers wanted me to come early and I went and got them. I put them in the spare room and discovered that one of my fucking cats had throw up on the play mat I bought!! I’m beyond livid now. There was also a huge pile of throw up in the living room this morning and I’m out of carpet shampoo. The bottle costs $20 and I just haven’t had the money to spend on getting more. I’ve cleaned it up for the most part but now I’m worried it could stain. I’m seriously terrified that I’m never going to get my deposit back because these cats are ruining my carpets.

I’ve been telling my one friend that I need to get rid of them but I refuse to take them to the pound and I haven’t had any luck with re-homing them. I don’t know what to do. It’s just one thing after another and now that I’m pregnant, I don’t have the stomach to handle the cat littler box and the consistent piles of throw up! The one cat I really don’t like decided to keep me up half the night jumping on my bed and scratching the side of my mattress. He’s done it so much there’s now a fucking hole in the mattress and it looks ghetto as fuck. I know it’s time to find them another home, has been for months.

As far as the cat little box goes, I’m not even supposed to be cleaning it out because it could be harmful to my baby but because I can’t find them another home, I’ve been doing it. No matter how clean it is, the smell of the cat piss is so overwhelming sometimes and makes me sick. I need to work really hard to find them somewhere else to go because I just can’t fucking do this shit anymore. I’m starting to hate them honestly. I’m sick of buying cat litter and cat food. They eat CONSTANTLY and will cry and whine if the fucking bowl is empty so I’ll go through a huge bag of cat food in about 2 weeks when it should last at least a month. I’m not even gonna start about the cat hair and how much I vacuum and dust to try to keep up on it and the next day it’s just as bad.

Anyways, I’m waiting on laundry now and then just gonna watch tv and get ready for work.