happy weird and lost in 2017

9:44 pm on a saturday night and my face is slightly numb and tingly from a bottle of wine. my boyfriend is at work and i’m hoping that he comes to my house afterward so i can try to stick my tongue in his mouth and stare at his beautiful face while he’s catching up on social media after a long shift. my feet and ankles are throbbing after working waaaay too much the past two days.

two of my old classmates from high school came into subway today - i was at first unsure if i should say hi or not, what if they don’t recognize me? they never looked at me directly so i didn’t say anything. secretly i was glad because c’mon - i’m almost 23 years old and i’m still working a fast food chain. i make less than $10 an hour with a bachelor’s degree. i’ve got to change something in my life but anxiety is my biggest obstacle.

and lately, it’s just way too easy to lay in my childhood bed with my cole and my dogs, watching shameless and eating cereal. i’m starting to like white milk again after not touching any type of milk for a solid 4 years. life comes full circle. tuesday is valentine’s, and although i’ve had boyfriends before i consider this to be the first valentine’s day in which i am not single. last year, v-day landed on a sunday and i had to work - with cole. we went out to dinner that night at a sushi restauant and i was still in my subway uniform. we were just close friends at the time. i distinctly remember him bringing me a small box of chocolates to work and being so happy. those are the only details i remember. this year i am broke but i plan on actually buying him a gift.

on facebook i found out one of my good friends from high school, who i’m not really friends with anymore, is having a baby after nearly 5 years of marriage and miscarrying once. i’m so happy for her that i could cry. also - it’s weird that everyone is in such different stages in life. the same ages but just miles and universes apart in feelings and tax forms. student loan payments start in just a few months. many of my classmates are married and i don’t plan on going to my 5 or 10 year reunion because i don’t think i would be able to handle it.

this is gibberish and i’m only slightly sorry. i’m just happy that i have the inspiration to write again.