And even more shit. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alrighty so I have been waiting to hear if Eric’s been served or not. I finally called and apparently he hasn’t and was told that if they think he’s hiding, they may extend the court date and if not, it may get dropped all together. My brain short circuited at this point and couldn’t even remember to ask if they had attempted to serve him or not.

My friend and I decided she would message him and try to see if he planned on coming back here or if he’s staying there, to verify his address. Well, he started off being rational and sane but it only lasted a few messages. He started in with the name calling again, being hateful and making racial comments about me, my child, and even her. Needless to say, the conversation went no where really fucking fast and nothing got accomplished.

I’m now worried that if they can’t find him to serve him than maybe they won’t be able to find him to serve him to do the paternity test. This has become an all out nightmare and honestly, I just need it to end. I am going to tell my friend yet again tomorrow to just block him and i’ll be in touch with him when the time comes. There’s no getting through to this person. He talked about wanting to step up and be responsible but mentioned that now he doesn’t even have a job and is only getting back a few hundred for taxes so he’s not even going to be able to afford a car.

I guess his Mom told him he’s a grown man and he needs to take care of himself so he’s not able to stay with her. He refuses to move back, probably because he has no where to mooch if he did return. I seriously don’t think I could have found a bigger piece of shit to have a kid with but at least I can take comfort in knowing he’d never get custody of any way, shape, or fucking form because he’s so unstable.

My Mom spent the night Sunday night. She asked me via text before she came if I could give her $10 for gas. I knew that it was coming and instead of just giving it to her, I put the gas in her vehicle. I also spent $40 on food and she ate most of it before she left. I really don’t want to get back into the routine of paying people to come around so I don’t know how much longer I’m going to want her to spend the night.

While she was here, my brother and his girlfriend brought my niece. I seriously wanted to cry when they walked through the door. My Mom and I were sitting in the livingroom and all of a sudden, the door opened and it was them. I got to hang out with her for a couple of hours and we seriously picked up where we left off. She’s still just the greatest kid and I can’t believe she’s already 6 years old. She painted my nails and drew me a couple of pictures, which she remembered to hang them on the fridge. She wanted to spend the night and because that was a no, she started to cry and it broke my heart. We made her happy again and then saw her for a few minutes yesterday. I asked about going with to get her from school today and my brother said to give him some time.

I’m leaving work early on Saturday to attend her birthday party. She told me I missed her party and I just wanted to cry. I told her how sorry I was but made sure she got the presents I sent over. My Mom is going to come for her party and spend the night. I’m hoping that this will open the door for her to start spending the night again and then it’ll be easier for my Mom to just stay home because i can’t afford for her to come ever weekend if I have to buy groceries and give her gas money.

I’m definitely glad that we made a breakthrough with this because I was just going to die if it continued being a terrible situation. I’m happy that things are starting to be comfortable again because I scheduled my ultrasound today and I want them to be there. I made it for the 7th so that my best friend that lives 6 hours away is able to come. I wasn’t going to schedule it without her telling me when she would be able to make it because she was going to be upset if she missed it. It’s at 3 so my brother and his girlfriend can get niece from school and she can be there as well. I also invited my Mom but let her know that her phone needs to be turned off. I’m also going to make sure she brings her own car so if she has to go wipe my Dad’s ass and worry about his problems, she’s free to leave whenever.

Over the weekend, I bought a bouncy, pink play mat, and 2 bathtubs because I couldn’t decide on one or the other. All that’s left is diaper bag, baby Tylenol, burp rags, and more diapers and wipes. I’m going to take a break from buying baby stuff because I have almost everything I need and I need to try and pay off credit card and pay to get my cars registered. I’m beyond thrilled I have so much. My brother said I should throw everything away and buy brand new stuff because he worries about germs but I will make sure everything is washed and sanitized. I refuse to spend a lot of money on certain items because she’s gonna grow out of stuff so fast and it would be a waste of money.

I worry about my niece now. I just don’t want her to ever feel less important or loved because I’ll have my own child. She’s just as loved and special to me as she always was and that’s why I’ve fought so hard to get her back in my life. I worry that she won’t want to spend the night if the baby wakes her up a lot. I know that everything will work out but I just love her so much that I don’t want her to ever feel like she’s not as special to me as she was before because she’s still just as loved.

I’m excited to go to her little party and hoping they’ll let her come home with me. She loves being here with me and I love having her. She’s so much fun to hang out with and I miss it. We sat down and looked at scrap booking stuff and it was so funny because my brother was ready to go home but me and her just wouldn’t shut up. I just love that she’s into all the same stuff as me and makes everything more fun. I remember going shopping with her and could look at clothes for hours. I loved always buying her new jammies because she loved to look at all of them with me.

Anyways, I’m going to lay down now. I got kinda stressed tonight because of Eric and I’m annoyed my friend didn’t send me the rest of the screenshots from her conversation with him tonight but it’s okay. I just wish he wasn’t so crazy so that we could start trying to figure out a plan, especially if he does plan to be responsible. I don’t want to keep him from his kid but until he can talk to me with respect, I’m not going to have anything to do with him.

Goodnight.