Weekend, BD drama. in Since OD is shutting down....

The weekend was absolutely wonderful. My Mom spent the night Sunday night. We got groceries, went to the dollar store and we bought a shit ton of baby clothes for some lady for $20. We went through them and they are all super cute. I couldn’t be more happy to have such a good amount of clothes already. We had such a fun night and I am so glad my Mom is my Mom.

We watched a couple of movies on Netflix and then we stayed up until midnight talking and laughing. She’s such a big help when she’s around. She seriously did my dishes, helped bring in groceries and put them away, and poop scooped. I tell her she doesn’t have to, but she’s hell bent she’s going to do it for me. It makes me feel good because no one else helps me at all. I’m truly grateful that she’s around because she makes everything better. I’m so happy she comes but she’s going to start working again so I’m not sure how often she’ll be able to come but I’m sure we will be able to figure out something.

Eric has continued to give my friends shit. He’s just as crazy and abusive with them and then doesn’t understand why he doesn’t get anywhere. He was blowing up my friend’s phone for hours last night. He just kept talking about the same shit as before about me ditching him on Halloween, doesn’t think I’ve been honest, and goes back and forth about paternity. He then decided to call our child an ‘abomination’ so my friend fucking lost it. She let him know that she’s saving that message so I’ll have it for court. He was then asking her to buy him a bottle of Jack and blah blah blah.

He then messaged her at 3am saying his girlfriend broke up with him and he’s coming back. My friend is convinced he’s now going to say whatever it’s going to take to get me to unblock him. I let her know that there’s nothing anyone could do or say to convince to me to do that because it’s just going to be the same shit of abuse and threats. I also refuse to argue in circles. He doesn’t mention being in the baby’s life or even attempting to be respectful of my friends or myself so I don’t plan to do anything.

I truly believe that this is nothing more than a sick game to him and a reason to stay connected to my life. He posted on Facebook how he felt broken and alone. No one really says much about it but I can guarantee that if people knew about his skeletons in the closet, no one would have any fucking sympathy. He CHOSE to get on a bus and create a life somewhere else, he CHOSE to be mean and nasty until I had no choice but to cut him out of my life, he CHOSE to get a girlfriend. Now that things aren’t working out, he wants everyone to feel sorry for HIM!? He doesn’t even ask my friend about me or the baby and how we are doing?!

This guy is nothing more than a crazy fucking monster and I honestly worry about him coming back. I’m finally able to let this shit roll off my back and I don’t want to go back to being upset all the time and dealing with someone’s abuse and threatening behavior. He acts like I’ve victimized him, all of this is my fault, refuses to take any responsibility for anything, and yet wants me to unblock him so he can just continue to inflict his nasty bullshit?! I have enough to worry about and he’s not going to be an extra fucking problem.

He also threatened to beat the shit out of me, in which I have that messaged saved as well. I do plan to get a restraining order as soon as the baby is born to protect me and her. I am NOT going to allow this shit around my child. He’s got a lot of mental issues and until he chooses to recognize he needs help, I’m going to do whatever I have to in order protect me and my kid!

Ugh, the weekend went to fast and I work in a few hours. I finally got back my IRS transcripts from last year and was able to resubmit my return. I’ll get it in the next few days and then plan to put it away because it’s my maternity leave money. I save every last penny I can unless I’m paying bills, buying gas to get to work, or buying baby stuff.

I really should attempt a nap because I know I’m still tired. I’m just a little worked up because of Eric claiming he’s coming back. I don’t really know if I believe that though because he was just telling my friend last night he can’t come back home because he has no where to go and I won’t let him live with me. Well, that hasn’t changed just because his girlfriend broke up with him. It’s not my job to beg him to come back, and then let him live off me to boot. I’m sorry that I will not engage in any contact with this toxic person. He’s just upset that he’s in a world of hurt and no one cares. Everyone has witnessed him crying around on Facebook so much that no one pays him any mind now.

At the end of the day, I care about my child and myself. I can’t focus on Eric or his problems. He’s a grown man and yet, acts like a 14 year old boy. He’s made a complete mess of this and I don’t care to try to get along with him anymore. He kept telling my friend how I wanted him to come back, yeah I did 2 months ago when he left but I’m in a much different place now. I know that it gets to him that I’m not giving a shit about him or where he is. He’s hurt me enough and now, I don’t care what he does.

I really hope he gets his life together if he wants to be a part of our child’s life. I just don’t know what I’m going to do if he does want to be around for her and he still can’t treat me with respect. I really don’t want to walk that fine line between dealing with his abuse or my daughter having her Dad around. I know that it’s not going to change and I’m going to feel bad no matter what decision I make. I don’t want to keep her from anyone and I’m gonna try my absolute hardest so that doesn’t happen but I have feelings too and I can’t allow him to hurt them anymore. I’m sick of this person hurting me and him not giving a fuck!

This person has made me out to be the most terrible person that’s ever lived and I don’t want to have that in my life. I know I’m a good person and I’ve always worked hard for what I have. I’ve done everything on my own and I’ll raise her by myself too. I think this is going to be the beginning of the end with him coming back and forth and not really knowing what he wants. I can’t let that affect my child. That’s not fair to her.

My friend said she’ll block him anytime I want her to and I’m probably going to tell her to block him. As long as he’s getting attention, he’s never going to stop. I want him to stay in WI and just forget about me. I can’t fight and argue anymore. I refuse to play a game I can’t win. He’s hell bent on me hurting him and I’ve been the bad guy and I just don’t want to deal with it anymore. It doesn’t matter what we’ve done to each other, what matters now is we come together and be parents. I want nothing more than for my daughter to know her Dad and for them to develop a bond, but I just don’t know if that will happen due to his behavior. If he wants to be a part of her life, he’s going to have to make effort to respect and get along with me because I’m not going to take abuse for the rest of my life.

Anyways, back is starting to hurt so I’m gonna go lay down and relax before I have to get up and go to work. I’m super glad it’s somewhat warm and sunny today because it really helps my mood.